Short eh?

I have been short for literally my whole life, so its really nothing new for someone to tease me about it.

" Hey, I'm Syahmi, just call me Sam. "

" Oh! Nice to meet you! You know you're kinda short "

" Whaa.. Whooaa.. Oh dear! When did this happened? I must been unaware of my physical appearance for the past 23 years of my life! How could I be so blind? Thank you! From the bottom of my heart, oh stranger whom I just met. Thank you for enlightening me with your brilliance and informing me of this important and highly relevant matter! I will now waste my time indulging in this epiphany that you have bestowed upon me. "

" You're welcome???? "

" Shut up! "

I used to be self-conscious about it when I was a kid and thought something was wrong with me. I had high hopes for myself and believed that I might be just a late bloomer. I wore big T's or some of my dad's Tees that were obviously too many sizes up for me because I thought it was cool and gangsta at the time but also because I believed I'd grow into them.

TLDR.. High school came and I was still short.

People teased me but I stayed confident that the day will finally come when tiny little Sam hits the prophesied growth spurt and towers over you peasants who believed there was no consequence for teasing and bullying me!!

But the prophecy was false..

I was told on average that boys stopped growing at the age of 16. Once I reached the age of 16, people start giving me a false sense of hope and said it was actually at age 18 that boys stopped growing and once I was 18 people started telling me 21?

Like seriously!?

Whaaaaat!!??

I eventually stop looking forward to a day that would never come. I never got my growth spurt and I never even grew enough to be of the average height. I remain small and membulat over the years. It was always funny when people thought it was a diet issue or physical fitness issue, but people kept saying crap like..

" Oh you just need to drink more milk, gotta get that calcium for them bones to grow! "

and I'm like....

" Bitch, I drink milk every mornin! My bones are strong but they aint growin! I ate my greens and I ate my fruits but the results just aint showin! "

Geez! Dont get me rappin guys hahaha.

Overtime, I came to embrace my short stature and it became less about tolerating it but actually cherishing myself for who I was and to be honest it's come in handy and brought me into some interesting situations over the years.

Tho Im not saying that being short is better. I hate being unable to reach things from high shelves without a stepladder or having to parkour but being shorts pretty cool in some cases, makes the world seem a little bigger and grander even if its just a few centimetres.

I dont mind being short but if I had the ability to control my size, would that make me a super hero? or a super normal? But meh, I wouldnt really fight crime with it, Ill probably just use it to mess around with people to be honest. Haha

Think Before You Speak!

Conversation are probably most important, but also delicate way we communicate with each other. What we say and how we say it affects a lot of what we intend to mean. You probably grew up with a mom and dad or any adult telling you that

" If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all "

or

" Think before you speak ".

Well essentially that's what discretion is. Actually if the only thing you have to say might come off as mean, be a little careful with your wording.

" Aah la baju yang ko pakai tu, memang buat ko nampak gemok. "

" Eh, asal ko nampak kurus macam lidi doe.. bukan 2 bulan dah ke ko pergi gym? "

But I like to live by an old saying in Sufism.

Before you speak, you should let your words pass through three different gates.

1. Is it true?

2. Is it necessary?

3. Is it kind?

To be honest, this helped me a lot with interacting with other people. As kids we didn't really think about what we said. It was usually just word vomit where we played ignorant to what they meant or the impact they had on those who received it. Like those kids, who retaliate to their parents disciplining them saying things like " I hate you, mom "  and " Nak lari dari rumah lah " or some bullshit empty threats.

Look here privileged ten-year-old, I'm sorry, you got your toys taken away because you prioritized it over your other responsibilities, but you probably die out there after a day without your parents lets be honest.

Like if you are gonna run away and you meant it. You just do it. Just do it without announcement. Like if someone kidnapped you and held you for ransom and they went to the kitchen for a few minutes, you're not gonna be like..

"Hey! I hate you! If you don't set me free, I'm gonna run away! "

If you have the opportunity just freaking run!

Okay fine, maybe that's not a good analogy. Don't run away kids. Anyway..  where was I again?

Oh yeah! Discretion.

I come by a plethora of people who don't exactly think about what they say before it leaves their ugly mouth. People often get carried away with their sense of freedom of speech and disregard the consequences of their words or actions and fail to display the empathy needed for us to understand each other. Just because you CAN say it, doesn't mean you HAVE to!

Again. Is it true? Is it kind? and is it necessary?

If it fails any of these, you might want to reconsider letting it pass through but if it still manages to force its way past the gates, maybe don't be surprised if nobody likes you.

Kan kan kan kan kan kan...

A few months ago, we had a gathering between contractors company in Petronas. Its a common thing and Petronas that day held a dinner. I went there with 2 of my friends with a clerk/woman of the company being one of them. Then, after we walked by the entrance of the hall, random ballsack of a dickhead randomly comment our outfits for the dinner.

"Dah macam sakai bodo aku tgk" while staring at us up and down and then she just walked away! O_O

Of course we were like.. " wtf? " I mean geez, we don't even know that woman and out of nowhere insulting us like that. My friend was like " Dia tu dah kenapa? ". I mean do you really need to say that? Is it true? Cant confirm. Is it kind? Its an insult, hell no but of course the most important thing, is it really necessary? Hell no!

Well in the end, we act like nothing happened. My friends and I could definitely agree with each other outfits that day since its appropriate for the event and it wasn't ugly looking nor an eyesore for anybody to look at. In fact we looked great. We laughed it off and didn't really took it too serious too, since the next person we met, compliment our good looks. Perhaps that woman had a bad day and just went randomly insulting people out of nowhere. Oh well, whatever..

Obviously, its unrealistic to have our words go through all of the gates every time we speak, but overtime you kind of get the hang of it. You find out which things are appropriate per scenario. I for one, usually add in another gate.

4. Is it funny?

Well, simply because that's the nature of my work and my outlook in life. Some things are unnecessary but I find them humorous. Some times its funny because its unnecessary, but you got to be tasteful about it. Someone nearby might make a funny noise, and I might laugh at it. It was neither true, kind nor necessary but I found it funny.

The woman who commenting on us? Not funny!! >.>

Anyhow, discretion and empathy is something you develop as you age. As kids we just went about and said whatever the hell we wanted and not gave a shit about what other thought because " Hey! Freedom of speech " right? If you get offended or triggered well, you are too sensitive and you just have to deal with it, right? If I can be a douche, then I will proceed to be. Its simply because when you lack empathy, it's just so easy to be one. I know some of you might start to fear speaking at all anymore. I mean, what's the point, right? When worrying if every single thing you say might deter people and render you unlikable.

But clearly, that's not the point of this. Some people believe that action speak louder than words. But a lot of the time words are responsible for influencing actions from others. Whether or not the actions are benevolent can be up to you. Think about what you're gonna say. Speak responsibly. Think before you speak!!

Dear readers/viewers...

Discretion is advised.

Rejection

Rejection is an everyday part of our life and it sucks. We as humans are raised to get used to disappointments and many of our actions are determined by a level of fear of being rejected and the reason of this sucks is because our species depends on us being social and interacting with each other regardless of how antisocial some of us are.

As an introvert I can tell you that being around people....

Tires me up...

I enjoy being with them and doing activities together but I need my isolation every now and then. I think a lot of people can agree with me on that. Anyway despite how smoothly you think your life is going, you are bound to face rejection the moment you set foot outside of your home, which luckily I myself don't do very often.

Oh.. -_- ( geez, I need to get out more.. )

Rejection happened anywhere and everywhere. Like for example, when you asked a local store employee for help..

" Ummm, excuse me, sorry cik. Ada tak jual kasut jenis macam nie tak tapi warna biru? "
" Semua warna yg kami jual ada kat atas rak tu dik (with the annoying voice ever) "
" Ohhh, ooooooooook O_O "

Or ordering take out from the menu..

" Ummm, bagi saya oreo blog smoothies dengan red cranberry jelly satu. "
" Oh sorry, kami kehabisan ais "
" Aik? " ( Dah kalau dah tau ais habis, kenapa bukak kedai idiot.. -_- ) "

But I guess when you hear " rejection ", a lot of people had the idea of romantic rejection in mind. Like for example, you're at a local cafe and you find yourself infatuated with a barista. You find her cute, she has a nice smile, you like the way she say your name correctly, tasks others before her man had trouble with..whatever. You have a crush! How do you go about the railing of your life potentially with hers in order to build a new track alongside of them?

Its easy! Just go for it! Just Shia Lebeaouf it...

Just talk to them, have a conversation, be genuine, if they are not interested, thats fine, it doesnt change who you are at all nor does it diminished your value as a person. Do not ever depend on others for self validation. Just come out of it knowing that the next time you're interested in someone it cant be as difficult as the first time..

Back then, I dunno how but I endup up representing my English club in a public speaking competition way back in my grade 3 / tingkatan 3. I thought I was underqualified as hell cuz back then I was pretty quite kid, I dont really have some major stage fright but I was shy. Despite that, I do have quite a sense of humor. I remember that during that time of the year, it was quite mandatory to send a representative from each club of the school for public speaking. The speech is about anything granted it was appropriate.

With that said, I made a speech about toys and games and long story short, the whole class enjoyed it. I didn't do too much research on the topic, but I'll just try to make it as funny as possible. After that, somehow I got voted to go onto the next stage of public speaking which is somewhat like a qualification competition to go to MSSD - Dungun and compete with others from different schools. Every other representatives from different clubs looked like they have some sort of valedictorian level of speech and there I was talking about politics affecting the society and stuff. On top of that, the audience was mostly composed of adults but my speech was mostly catered towards kids. Too bad at the time, a lot of my jokes weren't received very well and that took a toll on me.

The feeling dude.. The feeling of trying way too hard to be funny and no one laughing is a great fear of mine. I felt extremely rejected but I do felt proud of myself afterwards.

Why!?

As a quite, introverted kid who today has still has some trouble making eye contact when talking to people, I felt a big development in myself from that experience. I think what it comes down to is how a lot of us are just trying to figure out where we fit in, where we belong in this world full of different people and different ideologies.

We desire to be with people who can agree with our thoughts, people who can accept us regardless of our quirks and its not an easy task. Everyday we face judgement from those around us and its basically a constant challenge of seeking acceptance but still maintaining a sense of dignity. I know I face that kind of challenge every time I wrote a new post on this blog for all of you to read. Some may not be a good article but Im just happy to be able to entertain most of you but personally I think thats the point. Nothing comes easy. Even when you work hard to achieve what you desire, you're not always rewarded accordingly.

Get used to disappointments but don't yield to it. By that I don't mean to keep pursuing the girl you like even after she told you, she has a boyfriend. Take the rejection, all forms of it not as a failure but as an experience to help you prepare for the next one which who knows it might not end up being another rejection.

That One Fearful Day

You see, back then in Paka, was 16 year old at the time,

I was involved in a case where a drug addict once tried to break into my house using the front door! Such ballsy move from the thief gotta give him credit for that. At the time, there was only me alone in the house. As far as I remember, both my family had to attend some important event in Shah Alam (I cant remember what) but I was forced to stay home since PMR during those time was near. So, I was left at home with some pocket money to buy food at a nearby restaurant both for lunch and dinner. Yela, masa tu tak pandai masak, so semua benda beli kat luar.

The whole experience was unpleasant and I'm kinda traumatised a little since to me it feels like confronting with someone with a weapon as well as an intention to kill. You had no idea how terrifying that was for me. To handle a grown-up man with an armed sharp-looking steel-like weapon in his hands. It was Subuh at the time and that guy really had the balls. O_O I mean geez, my house was well-equipped with a safe alarm system and it was installed on all parts of the house, roof, grill and sliding door of the front entrance. Despite that, he just went in anyway.

Im not sure what he did, but while he was trying to break the locks, the alarm didnt triggered.

Yeah! You heard me! After those loud knocks that hes been doing outside the house, the alarm didnt triggered at all. I suspect he must have do something to the alarm.. since the siren box are outside of the house.

As far as I concerned , the last time I remember even the smallest disturb on the grill would definitely triggered it. Oh well I guess, it just showed that sometimes you cannot rely on the technology by itself. Okay continuing to the story, the drug addict didnt actually get himself into the house. I, at the time woke up and eventually heard the constant explosion-like noises from the outside and went to the front door to check whats up only to find the thief was busy trying to kopak the locks between the grill. It was nearly broken into half and lets just say he was just one step away into entering the house.

As I approached the door, I heard the loud and heavy breathing from the outside sliding door and it sounds like he's probably tired from doing "that" work and it seems that he's has been doing so for quite awhile. I would say probably around 20 mins before. Like how most people would be on that situation, I quickly grabbed the nearest sharp object which in my case its the kitchen knife and a sharp stick edge of a broom ready to pound the thief and probably stabbed that idiot to death (probably not). I had no handphone at the time but a house corded phone instead. I mean geez, if I had one, I would have took a photo of him with the camera. Too bad the old me, didnt really had those stuffs and barely even socialize both outside and on the internet. With all my might and with the little inner bravery that I have in myself, I muster up my guts and approached the sliding door and began to open it.

Turns out when I slide away the curtains away to see him, he saw my face and with all his might run as fast and jump over the pagar and tembok of my house like it was nothing. I saw his face and shouted for help of course but unfortunately I didn't recognise it, but he had the same characteristics as the man that I stated before. He left all his tools outside and I contacted my neighbour for help just in case he came back. 

Thank goodness, it was all good and he didnt came back to pick up his stuffs or anything. I was such a coward at the time and trembled a little bit after that. Whats funny is, I began to lock all the possible entranceway into the house with heavy furniture as well as getting all the weapons available in the house and kept it near hand-reach. Almost semua la pisau kat dapur tu aku amik. Hahaha yeah! I'm that paranoid and insecure at the time.

But still after that, my neighbours came, and take a quick look towards the nearly broken locks. If you guys were wondering what part of the locks it is. Here I gave you guys some insight...

Some were grateful and said that my family were lucky that I stayed home, and kinda praised me for saving all the belongings of the house. I felt the exact opposite tho.

Personally, its more lucky that I woke up early due to the knocks. What if I didnt hear it and what would happened to me if he went in and saw me sleeping? He had weapons in his arsenal and I'm pretty much sure I would probably be held hostage or worst case scenario, killed. Ughhh naseb baik, and here I am, writing about the whole thing. Oh well, syukur alhamdulillah. God given me another day to live and I'm grateful for that. I was unable to identify the thief despite seeing his face and because of that I didn't file a police report on the case. But still, all of the residents are on high alert ever since that incident... anyhow I do wonder why, like of all the other houses in the area, why our house? :/

Age

Im not sure whether if its really matter in relationship or what but personally its all about age these days that make at least myself quite a little bit concerned. I came to find myself not to looked about my age. Hahahahaa.

I mean if i were to list things I hate the most, aside from being lied to, is to be judged as "budak-budak". Like for example earlier, I came to this 1 grocery shop wearing jeans and black jacket with a backpack. The cashier who looked like 17 told me.

" Ini sahaja ke dik? " He said,
" Haa? Adik!? " I replied,

Killing intent activate!

" Eh, Abang2.. Silap " He corrected herself,
" Bro, Aku dah umur 23 nak masuk 24 dah kot " I replied.
" Hahaha, Sorry abang, ingat tadi budak kecik lagi sbb abang tak nampak macam 23 - 24 pon, nampak muda sangat " He apologized
" Dah tu mcm berapa? " I said
" Macam budak2 sekolah menengah sikit la "
" Errrkkk yee kee? Macam tu eh -_- "

And after that I just take my groceries and then went back home. The grocery shop is just a stone throw away from the house and so I went home quick. Putting all the groceries in place, went into my room and eventually be a little bit close to this...

Hahahhahahaha

I wonder a lot. Those overthinking stuffs hits me again. Like aku nie betul2 mcm budak2 ke? Is it because I shaved off my beard and mousetache? Is it because of my height? But to be honest 168cm is quite average to guys in their 20ties kot. Tah2 aku nie babyface kot. Personally, I cant even define what a babyface look like. Since we looked at ourself everyday in the mirror, I didn't thought of myself having such thing. However, I do heard rumors that women actually dig a guy who has that kind of face. So, Im not sure of myself. Should I be grateful or what kan. Anyway, I tried to actually kept my beard and mousetache for quite sometime. Lets say most friends of mine are shocked hahahahaha

Photo? Well nahhh~ I'm too shy myself to show what i looked like but definitely not as good as now la kan. Some face doesnt fit having a beard or a mousetache and unfortunately that person is me hahaha. All in all, whats important is MATURITY!

Doesn't matter how small are you, how big are you, how childish you looks, its all about maturity. Personally, thats what matters the most. Logically speaking, even if hes a sado and freakin tall of a person, but he's still childish in terms of attidude wont make it any less better betul tak? Hahaha. Thank god I'm not like that hahaha.

Raya 2.0

Hey guys! ^_^

  "Clearly, a few nights b4 I dont have much to do, hence come the selfie from the car.. haha"

Actually back then in the 1st day of Raya, we went to my dad's hometown, located in Subang but we decided to stay in Shah Alam. The reason would probably because my nenek's house was small and barely able to sustain all of the family members all at once. My dad's family tree is a really big family with my dad's being the 3rd out of 13 of his siblings. 

 " Not a full family photo sebab ramai lagi yang tak da but I managed to only get this one for that particular day "

Just imagine how packed would a house be if all of them with their respective wives/husbands and family to be staying in a same house. I mean geez, with all the little kids and cousins that I barely able to recognise from different family and from different wives, the usual reaction of me would be like...

" Nie yg mana ehhhh? "

Some of them especially the young ones obviously didn't recognize me since we barely meet each other. Its just too many of them. Seriously lol, like I would say we could probably make a 3 full football team consisting of only childrens! Hahaha. Despite those stuffs, I still tried make an effort of recognizing every single one of them at in a day. All those information and names made me like this...

Hahahaha... the best part would probably meeting my happy-go-lucky cousin of mine and yeah I admit we do alot of stupid things together before and we still did actually. Honestly, I thought he would have changed a little bit in terms of maturity and silliness. Turns out, nothing did. Hahaha, we took a lot of photos but lets be honest this one was my favourite. I did said that Ill probably keep this 1 as my fav and post it somewhere. Hahahaha. ( Tu la ko sapa suh pose pelik2 hahahaha )

 Geez I cant stand laughing when I saw this photo lol.

We stayed in Shah Alam for 2 days and went straight to Johor Bahru for my mum's turn. Both of my grandparents on my mum's side passed away long time ago and now we're just celebrated raya with all of the siblings together. It was always fun hanging out together with these cousins of mine. Since their age are just too near to each other, sharing experiences and telling stories was much much more interesting than usual.

Family pictures!!

 Lala and Akim, another extremely rare sight of this 2. Since its always shouting and fighting when these 2 are around each other

Ajim and my mum being super weird during those forgiving ceremony. Haha

Budak nie mmg byk dosa hahahaha, soo this is an extremely rare sight of Ammar and Bigbro, Syafiq

Bowling time!

Somehow I'm more darker than usual in this photo.. why!?

Anyway, it was truly fun seeing all of them again. Afterall, its a good rest from working almost every single day on my part. Things tends to get boring when you do the same thing over and over again. They were soo right about how when you are in your adulthood, you would one day missed schools and those studying moments. Now, I felt the same thing. I would definitely loved to study back again but then where would that get me on my current situation? Besides it was already nice and having my job as it is right now. I just have to build and guide my life slowly from this point and lets hope so that get to potentially meeting my jodoh in near future.

I know this is way too late and now considering Syawal is already over. I certainly don't want to miss wishing you guys, Selamat Hari Raya and Maaf Zahir dan Batin. May Allah shower you dear readers with His eternal blessings and keep you under His protection for both Dunya and Akhirat.

Selamat Hari Raya semua! ^_^

Raya 1.0

Hey guys! ^_^

I have been neglecting my blogging activity for quite sometime and to be honest, I'm having a difficult time staying online these few days! Yeah right! You guessed it! Kerjaa dooo! Penat! Dulu, I planned that I should had this monthly resolution where this month I promised that I at least stay to write & read for like at least an hour but too bad I still weren't able to keep that resolution of mine in check. Ughh! Its soo frustrating since I feel like I'm BS-ing myself into procrastinating most of the time. Geez I definitely have to do something about that. Oh well lets hold that topic for another time since now its RAYA TIME !! Raya sebulan dooo! Woohoo !

I had EidulFitr holiday leave for like 2 weeks, and lots of fun happen in those two weeks time. Thanks to that I had the privilege of celebrating breaking fast together with both my friends and family. Remember shortly before it was father's day and how I longed to celebrate it with them before after I got back? I even wrote a post about it.

Baskin Robbin doo! Benda nie mahal gila despite looking quite small kan.

Yeah!! I eventually bought my father a baskin robbin's ice cream cake for that. We never had any ice-cream cake to be honest and when I 1st bought it, I thought it was just another simple ordinary cake but turns out its not. Its pure ice cream preserved in dry ice and boy oh boy its was fantastic. Would probably consider buying it again. I dunno maybe perhaps for another occasion. My birthday maybe? Hahahaha.

A day after that, I booked at Rumbia Beach Resort a dinner for 4 people and those people were by far my bestfriends back then in highschool. I planned for the day carefully even before I reached Paka, sebab takut la jugak diorang had to go back to college kan. Nasib masa2 nie those 3 had their semester breaks. Phew! and soo we did!

 

Tudung hitam Baju Putih tu Siti Nadhirah. 

Its soo hard asking her chilling out with us last time. Nasib time dinner tu she's okay! >w< 
Thanks Nad!

 Anndddd a few wefie in Shahirah's car

I looked soo dark kot dalam gambar nie but I decided to post it anyway! Since these 2 were always wanted to selfie with me every single time we met. Hahaha probably would never ever forget this 2 Upin Ipin ever.. 

Oh lets not forget that I also went to a few of my friends open houses.

Nie Rumah Liyana

 Why the hell I looked so sado in this picture.. Muahaha...

 Nie Rumah Baiti

Open house dia malam, after Isyak.. which rare in some occasion.

When meeting Baiti after like 5 years of lost contacts, she was shocked and I can tell that she cant get her eyes off me. Probably because I looked and sound soo matured compared to back then during highschool. I myself missed her too since she was one of those students that I love teasing the most. She was exactly the same thing I remember of her. Cheerful and love to laugh all the time. Hahahahaha. Those highschool memories. Sooo nostalgic.

After mencekik at Baiti's open house, three of us went for late night movies with Amir and Afiq. We planned soo well but by the time we reached Mesra Mall to buy the tickets that night, the counter got closed. We were lucky to be able to use the extraordinary power of pleading to the cashier to open the counter for the 3 of us. Cant actually believe that our plead works. Hahaha. 

Tak nampak muka cashier belakang tu mcm menyampah nak kena tunggu kitaorg

Hahahahahhaa.

Afiq looks soo macho siot without his glasses. Amir pulak acah2 hensem. Nyampah aku. Hahahaha. 

Moral of the story, please date someone with glasses. 

We got two different looks.. >w<

Glasses on!! Still we are able to wefie eventho theres nobody around anymore at the mall.

We actually went to the mall 3 times in a row and saw two movies total. 1st movie is Vamps, was hella boring and there's barely any action considering it is an action movie. Kinda disappointed and so we plan for another movie the next day, which is Spiderman Homecoming. That movie my friends, 10 out of 10 hahaha soooo much recommended if you are an action movie type of person or a marvel diehard fan like me. The whole experience was memorable and fun.

Finally!!! 

My little bro, Zarif! He's grown! I mean geez it feels like it was just yesterday he was a baby and now dah besar gedabak! Even lifting him feels like doing a dead lift. Hahahaha. But still he was the most sempoi and soo photogenic every time I hold the camera to selfie. He then be like " Sam? Selfie? " and Im like " Aah, jom! " He's officially 7 years old this year, standard 1 this year! :) 16 years difference between us two. Gila ah kalau jalan sebelah2 org dah ingat macam anak! >w<

Im not sure when we will ever meet again but I really hope its soon. Now I'm back in Melaka, I missed you guys soo much already! :( Hopefully, we able to lepak2 again next year!

And to all my fellow friends, followers, peminats ( macam ada ), crush ( acah2 hot ) and those alike. Happy Eidl Fitri Mubarak! May the blessings of Allah fill your life with happiness and open all the doors of success now and always! ^_^

The One?

She was a fair, lovely, beautiful, proper-dressed, soft-spoken, patient, ambitious and determined person I have ever met before. Its rare to meet someone with all these qualities altogether. We met face to face before where one day she accidentally left her belongings at a restaurant near my place. With her identification card and her telephone number in my hands, I called her and by the time I did so, it was too late since she was already on her way to Perak in attending a seemingly important meeting between hospital staffs and their higher ups. It didn't take long, and our relationship began getting closer and closer, day by day. It all began from exchanging calls, messages and even personal information.

Even the most corny jokes she said just seem so humorous and to be honest, I can't believed I actually laugh at that. I don't know. Maybe its just me being too friendly on meeting a stranger for the 1st time. Honestly, it didn't took long for me to like her since she seems so innocent, which is one of the characteristics that I really liked the most. O_O

Everyday seems so beautiful eventho it was raining and thunderstorms all over the place on my side, everything just seems so proper and at that point onwards, I known that I fell in love with her. I felt that maybe she was THE ONE and I'm pretty much certain that she is. Everytime we texted to each other, she was the one that always remind me to kept her name in my prayers. I did as she said. More than 5 times a day. If you are at my place, when you did something like this, its impossible to not feel a single thing to other person,

Every time she gets herself on a trouble financial-wise. I would be there to bust her way out. Though at times, It does costs a lot but you see, love really are magical. At times, it does make people go blind. I was that idiot who fell that way without realising that it will come bite me in the butt later. However, I overlooked that on purpose eventually knowing that what I did was out of pure compassion and sincere. I was truly at fault cause being at such position for the first time was something really new to me. I acted without anybody knowing that I blindly follow the instructions of the girl. Though at times I feel like I was casted by some sort of weird spell and whats funny I even asked her " awak ada pernah sihir saya ke apa ke? Kenapa sy asyik teringat kat awak nie!? -_- " jokingly replied to her text.

From that point on, she told me a lot about herself. How she lived her life, her family, how she lost her father when she was 6, her loyal friends, her failed attempts on her previous love-life, her works and position,  how her co-workers are confessing love towards her, her attempts on gathering enough money for her family for Eidulfitri, about her 2 jobs and of course her being an agent to her dropship stuffs. The more and more she told me about herself, the more I felt pity on her. If theres one thing that I glad is that, she made me reflected a lot on life. Made me relieved to not be on her shoes and grateful for the life that I had now. We texted almost every single day, doing the usuals, talking about how lifes being a pain onto one another, exchanging information about ourselves and stuffs. The usuals you see.

Day by day continues, and I eventually gathered my guts and confessed my feelings towards her. I knew sooner or later I just had to do that and that feeling is something that I really need to get it out of my chest.
I betted that it was now or never and so I did! She was surprised and at the time, I felt like I was between life and death. The chills on my spine just keep being there none-stop and it goes down straight to my fingertips. Even my fingers are staggering and it was really bad. Typing on my phone felt like I was having some kind of minor seizures. I waited patiently for her answer and she didn't answer the question and in fact she never give a straight answer and that alone made me confused until now.

Somehow at that moment, I felt relieved since she didn't respond with a bad answer but at the same time, I was curious. I was curious and anxious to know where did I stand in her life and frankly, I felt if I ever got rejected. I would have moved on with my life and of course, I wouldn't ever bring myself lower to bother her again. Its called self-respect! I mean geez why would I? People don't like you so move on! Somewhere in my mind, I felt that our feelings are mutual. What gives it away? It was the way she responded. Its like a person whose flirting you know? Like its not the normal best-friends-forever reply. No its not that at all!! Tho, it does felt weird to me since its not everyday I encounter something like this.

Personally, I really loved a person who is honest and be straightforward on anything. People like that are hard to comeby and usually these people might sometimes hurt you verbally but its better to know about your flaws rather than being blind about it, correct? Be honest and its simple. Don't like it? Say it. Like me? Confess it. Made a fault? Apologize about it. Want something? Approach and propose it. Hate me? Speak about my flaws so that I can improve as a lowly human that I am. I know I am not perfect, but its human nature. We all wanted to be perfect so lets help and build towards one another in any ways possible. Its called self-enrichment-towards-others. Its. Just. That. Simple!

Yeah! You right! Looks actually isn't everything and what I love most about people is actually their attitude. For me that is like the most important thing ever. Looks will not last forever and what actually makes them truly beautiful is their attitude.

Despite our not-so-official relationship, being honest and straightforward was the only thing she can't fulfil. Isn't that one of the most crucial thing ever? Isn't that the key to a happy relationship? To be open and to be frank about something? Heck, why would you even lie to begin with? To gain trust and sympathy? In the end, she actually confessed that she didn't liked me at all. I was actually cool with that but what I was mad about is she actually used me as her some kind of sugar-daddy. Asking me to pay for her car maintenance, asking me to buy her make-up, and eventually borrows a few money from me for her personal problems. Ughhh, my head gets dizzy just by thinking of how sly and innocent-looking she is with people around her. If they knew who she really is, I bet her life would have been in total misery. Anyway, after that point on, I realised that she was just keeping me under her tabs so that she probably go out with another guy. Clearly she isn't that type of person you want to make as wife.

Haih. Countless times it had this been this way for me. I would blindly give my trust to people, in hopes that they would take care of it as I would have done the same for them. Too bad, that today's generation of people are dangerous. Using others and getting used for their own benefits was actually something common. Maybe it was time that I give this Jodoh-finding-thing a short break. Don't worry, I moved on already. Tepuk la sikit weh hahaha. Lets just pray that someday, she get a well-deserved karma some time in her life.

Random Questions 1.0

It was public holiday today and I was bored so I was thinking of doing a random internet questionnaire and eventually found these bunch of questions. Some of them didnt make much sense and it was all super random. Soo lets get right intooo it!! ^_^

• What is the last film you saw?

Its Wonderwoman ! O_O Boy oh boy, the film was good and everything from story build up to plot line go really well and on point. If you are a diehard fan of DC comics and this film and the upcoming Justice League film is definitely a must watch! O_O

Geez, shes too hott... Ouch!

• If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?

Anywhere? As if I ever get that chances anyway, but if I did, Ill prefer somewhere not too cold and not too hot. Wanna know the best answer is? Its Home.

• Tell me something about you that most people don't know.

Well most people don't know about me is that I love being alone. Its a natural habit of mine. The feeling of being at peace and at tranquility is something really addicting to me. Maybe that's why I saw certain posts in the internet saying that being alone is dangerous. I don't really see any hard to it tho.

• Do you like to dance?

No. Not really. I never tried it before but I do wish to since seeing people doing those awesome moves really captivate my eyes and took a little of my interests to try. There's 1 siblings youtuber known as Niana and Kyle that I love to watch them dance tho. I totally recommend you guys to take a look since watching them dance is actually awesome.

Both of them are soo adorableee

• Would you ever consider living abroad?

Yeah! Living somewhere like in Korea or Japan would actually be awesome. I just wonder if maybe its too cold over there and since I'm the type of person who don't really blend in around cold environment, would that be frustrating? Anyway if there's 1 thing that I like about Korea or Japan is probably their culture, language and places.

Okay la fine, seeing all of those photos makes me wanna go there even more. Would probably overlook the cold thing and lived there instead kot heheheheh

• Type of music you like most?

Personally, any particular song would be perfect if there's at least 1 or 2 piano beats in it. Its something about piano beats that just makes a song so beautiful and perfect. If you agree with me, then kitaaa geng!! ^_^

• Type of music you dislike most?

Dangdut!!! Please anything but DANGDUT. I dont know but my brain felt really weak whenever I heard any song similar to it. I don't know, its just something in the song just made me feel soo weak. I just can't digest why my father like those genres of music soo much.

• What is the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning?

Hahaha, Ill be honest. Its my phone. Without it, I'll probably lost my sense of time. Everybody is pretty much the same like me right? What? No? Then you, my friend are an alien hahaha.

• What time is bed time?

Bed time? It ranges from 11 pm to 2am. To me at least. But I do stay up until 3++ simply cause I love how quite and peaceful during night time.

• Are you a good cook?

You could say, yeah since the first time I made Tom Yam Goong, my mates were asking for it the next day for lunch and dinner. Of course, I didn't made it since I'm such a lazy bum. Come to think of it, thats the only dish I know over these years.. Geez I need to study the cookbook and cook something huhu.

• Do you believe in love at first sight?

Well not really. To me love at first sight is something that happened only in those drama at TV3 at 7pm and those dramas is way too dreamy to be real. Tapi kalaulahh such thing happened to me kan.. apa salaahnyaaa... #ehh #amboi3

• How are you feeling right now?

Thoughtful. Lots of things happened today and I started to question every obvious stuffs happened around me like " why is a building called " building " when its already built? "

• What do you think about the most?

About Jodoh I think. Somehow my mind kept torturing me with the thought of meeting the one in due time. I even write a lot of blog post about it. Its been running in my mind for awhile. I have been told to not get so worked up on it but when you are tied to your work position. Such thinking is almost impossible to looked over.

• Do you sing in the shower?

Waaaaiiittt!!! Everybody did that right? Right? Right??? OMG am I the only one? Dammit. Huaaaa :(

• What do you do most when you are bored?

Probably going somewhere outside. I prefer going there alone tho. It can be anywhere. From mall, movies, restaurants, and bowling.. and writing blog post about anything. Hahaha.

• What did you want to be when you grew up?

I once said that I wanted to be a millionaire (since at the time, i thought being a millionaire was a job) when my teacher in my middle school asked me. She actually laugh at it... and I'll be like :-

She eventually said that I need to get a real job to ever get to that position. Something like that is possible if I put my efforts on it am I right? It might take years but lets just pray for that bright future shall we? Aminn...

• What kind of books do you like to read?

Motivational and self-enrichments books. That kind of books really made me feel determined to be a better person in life. Recently, I bought two self-enrichment books and finished reading them in less than a week. Hahaha. I do wish to inspire people too and by reading those books might be a good start to it don't you think? Cheers in hopes that those dreams come true.

• Can you touch your nose with your tongue?

HAHAHAHA. I wonder who came up with this ridiculous question. Well duh, as a normal human being, obviously, I can't. Stop doing that lol. You look so dumb with that pose.

• What Inspires You?

There's a lot people who inspires me in many ways. Theres a lot of stuff to be said here and I guess i'll save this topic for another separate post. Stay tuned.