" If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say it at all "
or
" Think before you speak ".
Well essentially that's what discretion is. Actually if the only thing you have to say might come off as mean, be a little careful with your wording.
" Aah la baju yang ko pakai tu, memang buat ko nampak gemok. "
" Eh, asal ko nampak kurus macam lidi doe.. bukan 2 bulan dah ke ko pergi gym? "
But I like to live by an old saying in Sufism.
Before you speak, you should let your words pass through three different gates.
1. Is it true?
2. Is it necessary?
3. Is it kind?
To be honest, this helped me a lot with interacting with other people. As kids we didn't really think about what we said. It was usually just word vomit where we played ignorant to what they meant or the impact they had on those who received it. Like those kids, who retaliate to their parents disciplining them saying things like " I hate you, mom " and " Nak lari dari rumah lah " or some bullshit empty threats.
Look here privileged ten-year-old, I'm sorry, you got your toys taken away because you prioritized it over your other responsibilities, but you probably die out there after a day without your parents lets be honest.
Like if you are gonna run away and you meant it. You just do it. Just do it without announcement. Like if someone kidnapped you and held you for ransom and they went to the kitchen for a few minutes, you're not gonna be like..
"Hey! I hate you! If you don't set me free, I'm gonna run away! "
If you have the opportunity just freaking run!
Okay fine, maybe that's not a good analogy. Don't run away kids. Anyway.. where was I again?
Oh yeah! Discretion.
I come by a plethora of people who don't exactly think about what they say before it leaves their ugly mouth. People often get carried away with their sense of freedom of speech and disregard the consequences of their words or actions and fail to display the empathy needed for us to understand each other. Just because you CAN say it, doesn't mean you HAVE to!
Again. Is it true? Is it kind? and is it necessary?
If it fails any of these, you might want to reconsider letting it pass through but if it still manages to force its way past the gates, maybe don't be surprised if nobody likes you.
Kan kan kan kan kan kan...
A few months ago, we had a gathering between contractors company in Petronas. Its a common thing and Petronas that day held a dinner. I went there with 2 of my friends with a clerk/woman of the company being one of them. Then, after we walked by the entrance of the hall, random ballsack of a dickhead randomly comment our outfits for the dinner.
"Dah macam sakai bodo aku tgk" while staring at us up and down and then she just walked away! O_O
Of course we were like.. " wtf? " I mean geez, we don't even know that woman and out of nowhere insulting us like that. My friend was like " Dia tu dah kenapa? ". I mean do you really need to say that? Is it true? Cant confirm. Is it kind? Its an insult, hell no but of course the most important thing, is it really necessary? Hell no!
Well in the end, we act like nothing happened. My friends and I could definitely agree with each other outfits that day since its appropriate for the event and it wasn't ugly looking nor an eyesore for anybody to look at. In fact we looked great. We laughed it off and didn't really took it too serious too, since the next person we met, compliment our good looks. Perhaps that woman had a bad day and just went randomly insulting people out of nowhere. Oh well, whatever..
Obviously, its unrealistic to have our words go through all of the gates every time we speak, but overtime you kind of get the hang of it. You find out which things are appropriate per scenario. I for one, usually add in another gate.
4. Is it funny?
Well, simply because that's the nature of my work and my outlook in life. Some things are unnecessary but I find them humorous. Some times its funny because its unnecessary, but you got to be tasteful about it. Someone nearby might make a funny noise, and I might laugh at it. It was neither true, kind nor necessary but I found it funny.
The woman who commenting on us? Not funny!! >.>
Anyhow, discretion and empathy is something you develop as you age. As kids we just went about and said whatever the hell we wanted and not gave a shit about what other thought because " Hey! Freedom of speech " right? If you get offended or triggered well, you are too sensitive and you just have to deal with it, right? If I can be a douche, then I will proceed to be. Its simply because when you lack empathy, it's just so easy to be one. I know some of you might start to fear speaking at all anymore. I mean, what's the point, right? When worrying if every single thing you say might deter people and render you unlikable.
But clearly, that's not the point of this. Some people believe that action speak louder than words. But a lot of the time words are responsible for influencing actions from others. Whether or not the actions are benevolent can be up to you. Think about what you're gonna say. Speak responsibly. Think before you speak!!
Dear readers/viewers...
Discretion is advised.
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