Introvert

I believe having a healthy mind is a top priority at least for myself. A healthy mind leads to a healthy life and to be at peace with yourself is what I believe to be our goal during the limited time we have on this planet but in order to achieve a healthy mind, you must first understand how your specific one works and accepting that you may be different from others, which I felt is 100% okay. I am an introvert or at least I believe I fall somewhere in that category. Not to be confused with antisocial or be simplified as shyness, introversion can be misinterpreted by those who are unaware of it and by no means am I an expert on this topic. I'm just hyper self-aware and this is what I know.

To understand introversion and its counterpart, extroversion, you must see it as a result of what drains and recovers your energy. Introverts lose energy from being around people for long periods and recharge their energy by spending time alone. Extroverts are the opposite where they tire from being alone and recharge by being social is very rare to be strictly one or the other. We all fall at different ranges on the spectrum. I enjoy being alone.

Well not all the time but I have lots of hobbies that can be done alone and those times in solitude are a great way for me to reflect on myself in whatever current obstacles. I'm trying to overcome whether it be relationship matters career matters ideas for new blog posts. I enjoy just thinking about things. If you ever hang out with me and notice that I'm just staring blankly at your elbow and you ask me.

" Hey dude, whatcha thinking about? " 

and I reply..

" Nothing "

I probably mean I forgot because I have been so deep in mental isolation that I can't figure out how to verbalize my thoughts.

Why do killer whales get the killer prefix when so may other sea animals are predators as well? Don't most fish kill and eat other fish below their food chain? Hey fun facts, killer whales are not even whales, they're dolphins dowh!

" Why do people leave mean comments on social medias? " 

It might be because they are damaged in some way and are using you as an outlet to project those insecurities or they lack the empathy to understand the emotional consequences of their words and anonymity on the internet gives them a false sense of invincibility a taste of the nectar unavailable to them in the real world.

" I like this girl. Why doesn't she like me back? " 

Its maybe because your self entitlement has blinded you from understanding that it is not your place to complain about people criteria for attraction and that romantic reciprocity is never guaranteed. You just ain't got the sauce, accept it.

See? These things on my mind are what I meant. I mean yes I enjoy having company and being around others as well, but there are things about isolation that I just appreciate. Some of you might not understand the appeal because you may directly correlate seclusion with loneliness. If you are alone, you must be lonely and being lonely is bad.

That's not true at all.

You can be in a dense population and still feel lonely. Growing up I found myself in all sorts of groups and situations where I felt lonely despite being surrounded by people. Physical loneliness versus mental loneliness. To be alone doesn't mean you are lonely. Loneliness is just a result of one's negative perception of being alone, but introverts flipped that mindset and take on a positive perspective on it.

I prefer to do a lots of things alone. I grew up playing video games and while many games are made for people to enjoy with others. I find great value in single players games like God of War, Metal Gear Solid, Half Life, Dark Souls, Call of Duty, Final Fantasy and etc.

I have a habit of disappearing from the world for a few days. Sometimes weeks because I become so immersed in the world of the games that I play. I find myself playing a lot of online games this way where although its encouraged to be played with others. I often choose to be a lone wolf and experiences the game solo while still appreciating the seldom interactions with other players. I value the freedom of being alone not having to worry about the others and only myself.

As selfish as it sounds the only burdens you can bear are only limited to your own. A lot of online multiplayer games encourage teamwork and its necessity to overcome certain trials or enemies. But I find it very fulfilling to discover that solo players are able to achieve the same feats by themselves. There's nothing more thrilling than witnessing an underdog achieve what others believe that they couldn't on their own. Taking this a step back, I see this reflect how I act in the real world. I like venturing out and achieving things on my own

It helps me discover and understand things about what I can do and what I am incapable of doing and need improvement on. And those are lessons I could only learn by being my own teacher. My mind is at peace when things make sense or at least when its reasonable for things to be the way they are. They don't necessarily have to be beneficial. I just seek closure through rationality.

Why do I have a surplus of chins? Because I have a declining metabolism and my eating and exercise habits are inconsistent due to lack of self-discipline. I am at peace with it for now.

I may be too self-critical at times, but I feel that's it's necessary so that I can grow as a person. It's easy to look at others and make judgments based on our perspectives. But rarely are people able to reflect on themselves failing to see their own faults and often failing to see their own beauty as well. Learn to both criticize and appreciate yourself so that you can continuously develop a better you.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Thanks for reading~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Opah

During the course of raya Eidulfitri, our family went beraya at my mum's side which is at Johor. Kluang. This year we had the priviledge to go to the old house of my late grandma. It was still in good condition eventho its left with old furniture and some other old stuffs inside of the house. We pay her a visit to her grave and went to the house for a family gathering.

Anyhow, the place or the house to be exact, is nice and as we are cleaning the dust around the area, I opened some of the old stash inside of the house. I found myself some really old photos, diaries and some photo album of my late grandma. Some of them are funny and some are interesting and it does brings some nostalgic feeling of the 90-s.

My Auntie when she was in Japan, lets be honest here, I thought that was the oven glove

Hahaha..

A simple panoramic picture of my aunt and some heartfelt message

The gift from my cousin to Opah

Hahaha, this was the funniest I guess. Mainly because my cousin, the girl who wrote this is all grown-up already. There even some sign over there. Whats funny is that, my grandma didn't really write anything at the book despite receiving it to write diaries. 

Her days when she was a teacher.. I think it was during Teacher's day 

Opah loves to collect scented candles, potpourri, and those doorgift from various wedding ceremonies. Soo basically this is her collection stash.

My Aunt with Opah.

I found this lovely photo frame of her grandchildrens at that time. If it were to include present time, maybe they had to add more faces in there. I'll be honest not much people recognize me in this. Hoho

I had planned to write this ever since Raya Eidulfitri this year, but something came up, and it kept me away from my blogs for sometime. My lappy basically had its screen cracked and I didnt really have enough money to fix it. But worry not, cuz now I am fine and I'm on my way of getting it fixed.

My Opah as far as I knew her is really an admirable person. During her youthful days, she was a famous ustazah at her school. She was well-known cuz her students are all very good in that particular subject she's teaching. She is knowledgeable, kind, generous, loving, and always full of advise. I always happy during her presence. There aren't much woman family members in the family tree, so having her around made us felt comfortable. 

She was always the type who share lots of her stories during her glory days. Sharing stories of her late husband, how he was always by her side before she was left widowed. It was always wonderful to hear her share her experiences. There are just many moral stories to be taken. It was fun

I remembered that one time she was sick at her house, we went visiting her. She always ask me of how I always been and how are my studies when she was around. I was always the one that usually asked for advice how to do this and that.

What I love of her is that she always seems to know when I have a problem. I'm not sure how but she seems to be able to read me inside out when nobody can, that includes my parents as well. I told my grandma lots of secrets tho and writing this kinda made me feel sad to think that now shes no longer here. 

So far, I am very comfortable when I'm with Opah cuz she is a very good listener. There are not much people who are as good as her. Unfortunately, she passed away in her 60ties due to fibroid cancer. She has been fighting it for years and she eventually won the fight, but the aftermath is just too much for a women of her age to handle. May Allah grants her Jannatul Firdaus, paradise in the afterlife.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~Al-Fatihah~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Is he crazy?

I was just finished my Jumaat's prayer at the time and I was disapa by this one familiar looking guy.

He wore a brown worn-out tee and a torn black-leathered jeans. His shirt had its sleeves torn up at the end of it while having a dark blue worn-out sidebag on his side. He came up to me as if he wanted something at the time but all he wanted is just a handshake. I shook his hand treating as if he's a normal person. Suprisingly, he said " Alhamdulillah " and went forward to seemingly offers a handshake to the other person in front of me.

The people of the mosque was fine by his presence as he didn't not throw out any fit nor cause any harm to them. I'm pretty much sure they all know who he is since he wonders around practically everywhere. Anyway, as he was advancing towards the front row of the prayers while offering handshakes to the people around him. He went straight to the Imam of the masjid to offer his handshake.

To my surprise, the Imam eventually standup offers him handshake and made him sit behind him for the after prayer. Everybody seems to be pleased of that situation and continue to berdoa as usual. When the after prayer was done, he standup and make his way out of the mosque. I'll be honest here, I'm kinda expecting him to cause a ruckus around, cuz duh! He's crazy and I don't really expect much from someone like him but this situation totally changed how I looked at things.

After that whole situation, I kinda became fascinated to the guy cuz truthfully speaking, he has been around this area for more than a 4 years and of all this time, this is the only time that I saw this. When I think hard back about this, 4 years! That's a long time. I mean to survive in this world with just the generosity and kindness of the nearby people, that's really something when you think about it.

Fascinating huh?

Anyhow as crazy as he is, he didn't seem to pose a threat to the society around him but instead he has been in this area for so long that nearby people would recognize him and offers him food despite knowing that he's crazy. I never truly knew the person but I heard before he went crazy, he was a good person. A person good enough that made the people of Paka nearby knew him.

I'm kinda curious about his origins myself actually, yet I don't even know who to ask about him. I did ask my father about him tho since I once saw him being treated food at a restaurant nearby. When I did, he only said that he did it cuz what of he saw others did.

It is all about perception I guess. What makes me think of these is that, if he is as dangerous as I thought, people would have escort him outside of the mosque the moment he sets his foot inside. I'm expecting he had some good background history. I guess lets just leave a benefit of a doubt in this scenario.

Oh well, despite that, I felt bad for thinking bad of him. After all our perception is actually a reflection of ourselves. Maybe I should be more optimistic or maybe just paranoid. Who knows kan.

Whats more surprising is that, that crazy person, lets just call him, Pok We, had a case before that what made people deemed him as crazy. There was a point where some of the residents here actually saw him sleeping outside a house butt naked. One of the residents who is a young girl saw him, and called the police because his actions or his sleeping position looks like as if he's dead.

He was caught as I heard and again was somehow release to the public soon after. Not sure how or when. I guess Allah had a good plan for him. I often heard people saying " Orang gila aka Crazy people like him, if he were a muslim before, He had his place in Jannah.". Like gila naturally lah, kalau gila yang dicari tu, menempah neraka ler jawapnyaa. I hope he will be well, wherever or whenever he is. I wonder how old is he tho. Hmmmm...