A few days back, a close friend of mine with her sad, soft, delicate voice contacted me, and told me how she need someone to hear her cry on her breakup story with her boyfriend. I was just finished working at that moment and had sometime to spare before packing my stuffs to go home and so I listened...
She said she suffered emotional pain ever since she knew she was no longer needed in his life after a year of relationship together. Thats a whole freaking year! and all those relationship building was broken within minutes.
At first, I was so quite surprised because to me, she was really fair, beautiful, smart and I would say, most guys would probably would fall for her characteristics on 1st sight, but too bad for her boyfriend, a beauty with loyalty wasn't enough for him. I am pretty much sure she give her all in her relationship but too bad, her boyfriend just found someone better. Turns out, he was two-timing her behind her back, which is baffling come to think of it. As a close friend, I felt devastated and enraged because personally I think she deserved better treatment considering her good qualities.
She had the worst feeling ever. The feeling of being unwanted, casts out by the person she holds dearly to. In any case personally to me, she was lucky as she wasn't in any proper relationship bond with him. If she was his fiancée or worst, his wife, she would probably be half insane to be treated as such. Ughh, I don't want to even imagine.
Despite what happened, she kept herself strong and believed that Allah is just. He knew what is best for her. She mumbled to me as she was grateful to Him for showing his true colours, and therefore, she was glad. It was really sad to hear her story, and imagining to be on her own shoes, makes it more heartshattering. I do give her some of my personal advice, as if I'm the best councellor (LOL) and try to comfort her as best as I can do as a friend. She was okay after sometime and pretty much still in " moving on " phase. Feels good to be contributed on something even though its a little kann.. got that hero feeling tho hahaha.
She had the worst feeling ever. The feeling of being unwanted, casts out by the person she holds dearly to. In any case personally to me, she was lucky as she wasn't in any proper relationship bond with him. If she was his fiancée or worst, his wife, she would probably be half insane to be treated as such. Ughh, I don't want to even imagine.
Despite what happened, she kept herself strong and believed that Allah is just. He knew what is best for her. She mumbled to me as she was grateful to Him for showing his true colours, and therefore, she was glad. It was really sad to hear her story, and imagining to be on her own shoes, makes it more heartshattering. I do give her some of my personal advice, as if I'm the best councellor (LOL) and try to comfort her as best as I can do as a friend. She was okay after sometime and pretty much still in " moving on " phase. Feels good to be contributed on something even though its a little kann.. got that hero feeling tho hahaha.
Oh well....
It was outrageous when you think of it of how fragile these relationships can be. A single word, a single sentences, a single wrong action, a single tiny mistake could all lead to breakups. At times, hearing all those breakups story my friends told me + the story on the internet, would really made me pray real hard so that I wouldn't never get to feel such emotional pain. To be completely honest, I remembered years ago when I was that dumb little boy who never gets into any relationship once said....
Omg!! I can't even believed that I once said that *multiple facepalm*
But right now, I felt funny for saying that once a few years back during my uni days. Now I know dealing with it was never easy and seriously, when it hits me right in the face, I felt this uncontrollable urge of sadness that just engulfed me the whole day. Yeah, I guess emotional distress was the right word for it. I slept super late to the point like I only get like 3 hours of deep sleep and eventually woke up with dark circles in my eyes. My mates were the first the one to notice the " everyday " me and the " dark side you don't wanna see " me. Anyway, with those emotions taking over my brain at that morning, I went from being cheerful me to the point of being the most silent person you'll see! Ever! Nothing I did was right in that morning, not to mention it was raining heavily as if the sky reacts with my current situation. Eventually in afternoon, I decided to take a rest from work and leave the coordinator stuffs to my officemates. From that point on, I just went on reflecting and reflecting over and over...
It was soo weird to point that I reflected every single words, actions, judgement that I made just to find what flaws that I have done. It was always a bad habit of mine, to over analyse, over thinking, have insecurities to someone I deeply cared for. Not really sure whether doing as such is considered natural or anything but surely I did it was out of pure compassion and love over the other person.
But too bad the said person never did care....
I considered myself to be stupid and dumb for wasting my love and time to somebody who doesn't really care for me in any way. I was given false hope, thinking that I would actually get into an actual relationship of my own. I was given love " atas dasar kesian " by the first person I was attracted much to. I was deemed as a temporary place to release her stress over. I was treated as not being serious in expressing my feelings when I really did and I really mean it. I was being played. Perhaps to her I'm just pawns in a game.
Despite what happened, I never blame her. I blamed myself for it. Maybe I was incompetent. Maybe I didn't have the looks. Maybe its just not the right time yet, Maybe its the way, I converse with her , Maybe its my way of expressing my feelings. Maybe there are something wrong with me, that I couldn't ever notice on my own. Everyone has flaws and maybe my flaws were too high for someone like her. See how these overthinking affects me right now? It hurts a lot. It really really hurts, and to be honest, I was never prepared for such things.
However, if there's one thing that I am glad about, it is experience. In fact in my last Jodoh post, I did said I wanted to at least experience it hmmm, boy oh boy such torture. Couldnt take it anymore. Ughh. Anyway, experience teaches you and lets say I'll take this as a lesson so that I wouldn't carelessly do the same mistake twice.
