Jodoh

Have you guys ever had this feeling where you are missing someone so much but you don't even know who that is? Have you ever had this inexplicable, unexplained, weird longing for somebody? Have you ever feel so isolated in your life that somehow your soul are spiritually yearning for a touch from someone? Yes? No?

Well, the reason that I asked such questions are because these past few days have been really hard for me. I have been sick for a couple of days and that is definitely bad news. Not only that, the workloads on my side have been piling up since I took a few days off to cool off my head, body and of course taking medicines along the way. I still caught a very bad cold and fever after taking like 6 pills of paracetamol and Geez! the medicines barely works. It took a few days to get my stamina back up and in those 2 days of "holiday". What do I do? Spending time on my bed, doing nothing but eat and sleep. Ughh! Boring af.

Whats interesting is that during those days, I overthink a lot, especially about my jodoh and my future. I was stricken by fear of not meeting a potential jodoh of my own in due time. I was scared to the thought of getting married when I reach my old days. I was engulfed with anxiety of losing someone who I treasure the most and those who I had struggles and hardships building a connection with. I got really worried that if my relationship with my potential jodoh doesn't work out so well considering I never had the chance to get into a relationship of my own during my teenage days, Therefore, no experience whatsoever. 

I never feel the pain of breaking up with someone, and as a result, I am terrified of not capable of handling it later in my life. I never experienced being treasured by someone else aside from my family. I never had any intimate talks with anybody ever. I never bought gifts or plan surprises like most couples do. I never ever been addressed sweet nicknames by anybody. Haih.. Sad life huh?

All of these.

I never experienced them. I wanted to tho.. soo bad :/

At some point, I felt.. unwanted. 

Haih, I guess maybe God loves me and doesn't want me to endure all those stuffs or perhaps because I am not ready or handle it well enough in my current state. Hmmmm..

Anyway, putting all the negativity aside, I never lose hope to Allah, berdo'a yang Dia sudah sediakan yang terbaik untuk hambaNya and in fact, I always cite this in my prayers and in my do'a everytime I finished solat.

Learnt it from my Ustazah

However, somewhere in myself, I deeply wished that such things would happened to me, even its for a short while (harap2 tak la kan). Then again when I think about it, if the love bring more harm than good, I would rather be single till the rest of my life, but hopefully I didn't laa kan. I wished myself the best. Heck, who don't want the best for everything in their life?

Come to think of it, I have been talking about jodoh for quite a few posts of mine like for example this one here. Geez, whats happening to me and I don't even know -_-. Its actually rare of me to speak stuff like this soo openly. Oh well anyway, I'm sorry if this emo post of mine is kinda out of the blue and looks more like a rant haha but indeed this is what I feel right now and I'm just getting it out of my chest. 

My Views On "Heathens"

Heya guys! Sup!?

I have been listening to this song titled "Heathens" by 21 pilots for quite sometime now and lets just say that I'm addicted to it hahaha. I have been singing the song for awhile, and something just triggers me to write about it. I was actually curious about the lyrics and lucky for you guys, I'll go in depth about it for today, I just felt like talking about the song. Well first things first, let us all know what Heathens means..

If you don't know about the song, then maybe you should give it a listen 1st. It might help going through to what am going to tell you later. Do pay attention to the lyrics...

21 pilots is an awesome band. They released Heathens in 2016 as part of the Suicide Squad soundtrack. Yeah, lagu tuu laaa haaa, Believe it or not, I never did get to watch the movie in the cinemas because workloads!! O_O ughh...
Okay moving on to the analysis..

The song is actually about the singer, Tyler Joseph's friends and how he wants his listener to treat them, but even more specifically it seems to be about how Tyler Joseph wants Christians to reach out and witness to people who aren't Christians. Yeah betul laa, kinda like berdakwah for Christians to none believers aka his friends aka The Heathens

He sings in his song " All my friends are Heathens take it slow, wait for them to ask you who you know ". It means he wants Christians to be careful about telling strangers about Jesus (PBUH) and instead to develop a relationship with them first. When singing about his friends, Joseph explains that they will never know the psychopath, murderer, freakshow sitting next to us, and this is because people hide their problems. They don't just opened up to strangers. Well duh! None of us do.

Hmmmmmm,... okay laa.. Well maybe some of us kot..

I know some people who do.. moving on.

and if Christians don't know the half of the abuse, how are they going to be able to effectively meets these people needs? Joseph also says that his friends don't deal with outsiders very well and that they can smell your intentions which begs the next question..

Why would Joseph friends listen to a Christian that they don't even know especially when it comes to big topics like eternity, afterlife and their own personal problems? Kinda out of place isn't it?

Thankfully, the solution comes in the chorus when Joseph sings " Take it slow, and wait for them to ask you who you know " and frankly people will only ask you who you know if they understand that you care about them. Macam peribahasa dulu-dulu, " no one cares how much you know until they know how much you care " It does also means he wants Christian listeners to be more careful around hurting people and to be wary of sounding like a Salesman when they promised that they can solve a person's life biggest problem especially since Joseph friends don't seem to respond very well to that kind of an approach.

But do you know whats the best part about the song? Joseph actually accept the listener into his group acknowledging the humble or ideal listener's willingness to take it slow and to admit to his or her own struggles.

Last part dalam lagu tu, Joseph sings " I tried to warn you just to stay away and now they are outside ready to bust, it looks like you might be one of us " The thing outside could be everybody's personal struggles or they could be Christians who want to take the time to know Joseph's friends. Either way, Heathens tells us the story of at least 1 person who is willing to take the time to know people and asks the rest of us to be willing to take it slow too.

Informative isn't it? Well at least now you know. I knew it has something to do with people with personal problems and of course religion-related, after all they were talking about the Heathens to begin with.

A Better Yesterday That Starts Today

From 2015 to 2016. Wow come to think of it, I have learnt a lot throughout the years, It really feels like its just been yesterday that I was still in high school and now I'm working my butt off 24/7, building my career, climbing slowly from lower ranks to the higher ups, and of course, never to forget finding potential life-partners *ehem-ehem* *cough heavily* first things first okay? Pfft..

Geez don't laugh. They said jodoh tak ke mana but its not like we can just rely on fate alone without making any real efforts for it betul tak? In Malay proverb, its like menunggu bulan jatuh ke riba in which the literal translation would be " waiting for moon to fall to your lap " simply meaning waiting for the impossible. Yeah, I know right? Malay proverbs are that weird but it does makes sense when you think of it hard enough.

Well, I'll be honest that I actually gave this love-experience-thingy a try because duh, nanti orang cakap tak ada pengalaman pulak and at least, you try to learn from your past mistakes and sooo on kan? tapi sadly enough, I lost the war and eventually came out heartbroken and getting rejected left and right. The pain is really unbearable especially when you couldn't get her out of your head every freaking time you woke up every morning. Its really soul-torturing to the point that it truly feels like being stabbed by hundreds of needles over and over constantly everyday of the week, Surely such pain is nothing compared to the poverty, famine and warfare in some parts of the world but comparing the degree of their pain to mine doesn't makes it any less better betul tak? 

In the end, pain is still pain, and it hurts the most especially when it involving emotions. Since human emotions are related to a person's thought process, the dreaded feeling just get multiplied over and over. In fact, its getting worse day by day for me since I'm the type of person who over-think a lot and not to mention, that I do listen to love songs from time to time and these things just came circulating like a race car in a race track circle. Haih, if only I could rewind time, I would have advised my past-self to just never ever try loving someone who doesn't give a damn about you. Tapi kan, if you never try, you never know. Experience teaches and as much as I hate to admit it, it was through pain. The pain through emotional distress. Right now, I fully understand that such pain exist for a reason,

But nevertheless, I constantly kept myself in an enormous amount of comfort in believing what Ustazah Maznah, my secondary school teacher, once said to me "When Allah puts you through His ordeals and tribulations, that means He misses your voice praying to Him. He misses listening to your plea" I guess my prayers are now the next best thing I could give her from a far right now.

In any case, this year was a year of both mischief and enjoyment for me but such things is actually fine by me. Truthfully, I learnt a lot and at the same time picked up an amount of good moral values and succeeded in implementing them within myself as well!

My close friends on the other hand, did realize how I have changed over the years. It goes..

From being high-tempered person to an expert in anger management control
From being impetuous in my speech to being wary and thoughtful before spouting words.
From super lazy to a little less lazy ( but still lazy tho ).
From being petty to a slightly open-minded person.
From unreliable to a more dependable person ( but not to the point of being a pushover )
From immature to mature in my works.
From being forgetful to a little bit alert on my surroundings
From impatient to a guy who always calm ( still working on it sebenarnya )
From not being on time to a guy who is punctual.
From being messy to a more organised person in life.
From looking sorrowful and glommy to an overall optimist ( not too optimistic )
and of course when any misfortune happen upon me, I tried to be positive together with sabar, usaha and tawakkal through all His ordeals and tribulations.

Theres lots! But the most important thing is from being an emo-boy to a more like happy-go-lucky type of person. In fact, I learnt that whatever you do around you, you have to be willing and joyous in 1st place. After that, anything that you do would be at ease. That's my secret I guess. Hehe.

Okay ah tu kan? Tepuk tangan ah sikit haha.

Uish! Macam tak ikhlas je :(. Okay la whatever la, who cares kan? Anyway, despite all the struggles I'm having right now, I am still able to smile. I am okay jangan risau. Its not like I'm going to do something stupid like suicide ke apa kan haha. Well, if that doesnt earn your trust then maybe this will...

Panjang sangat dah rambut tu

Hahaha, ignore my messy hair. I will probably get my haircut sooner or later. Thats just show how desperate I am to show you guys that I'm okay. Hehe.. Anyway, I do hope that whoever read this post, pray for me that I'll continue to be both strong mentally and physically in overcoming the struggles of life and in return I pray that everyone who reads this post be eternally showered with the blessings of Allah.

There! I feel soo much better now! Thanks for reading. Appreciate it lots!

Special day

Hiya guys! Sorry for posting soo late! Remember that I did published a post regarding my upcoming birthday 2 days ago?. I spoke of what I desired for my birthday. In that post I did said that I love surprises and was hoping for one to actually happened.

Today on my special day, I eventually got 1 of those surprises from my parents, Frankly speaking, anything from them was the one that I expected the least since, you know Melaka and Paka jauh gila kot. Kudos to them tho for being able to still surprises me from a far, What they did is that, they actually bought me a secret recipe chocolate moist cake and and of course two spicy chicken buckets of KFC which is my favorite!! They planned the surprises with my safety supervisor and my workmates behind my backs. Ughh didn't know that they could be sneaky at times. Anyway, thanks Ibu, and thanks Ayah! Terubat rindu korang berdua kat sini, Still, I missed you guys soo much.

Also!! Before I forget to mention, I got one of the earliest birthday wishes from my friends overseas the moment the clock strike 12am...

I admit it does sounds funny but actually I'm quite moved when Wani said that. Haha sampai alarm kot! Eventho, I refused to believe but she certainly made my day thats for sure.

Well these was one of my closest friends wishes that made me got that "Awww :(" kind of feel. Hehe thanks Sabrina and Byatul, you guys are the best! Maybe some other time or mungkin next year, we can get together and lepak sama2. Missed you guys soo much too.

This is my chocolate moist birthday cake! Doesn't look that tempting but the moment you eat that, you definitely want more! Duh its Secret Recipe! What do you expect?  You guys must be wondering.. "kenapa ada baby dekat cake tu? Bukan ko da besar ke". Haha seriously, its a prank by my safety supervisor and our ever-so-beautiful office clerk, Naim and Farhana who bought the cake together. He always teases me with that name before because of the certain girl known as "Beby" that I'm closed to in Petronas Methyl-Tertiary-Butyl-Ether SDN. BHD (MTBE) eventho we had nothing on each other. Soo now they put it on the cake........

-_- Haih! Well I guess I'm gonna let this slide for now.

And now I'm going to remember that the rest of my life. Anyways, thank you for buying me the cake and siap kau, Naim. Siot ah hahaha.

I don't know what more could I do to express my gratitude towards all of you guys. I know I have been saying this like a lot, but...

I'll be honest with you dear readers,

I actually was skeptical since to openly celebrate my birthday with cakes and foodstuff and with everyone at the same time looks rather seemingly impossible. Actually the day before my birthday, I eventually went to the nearest cake shop and ordered a small cake to commemorate my birthday alone just in case nobody remembered. Weird isn't it? Its called " Sediakan payung sebelum hujan ". Luckily I cancelled that order as soon as I smell about the surprises.  My mind was so sure that nobody would even remembered it at the time. It was to that extend since this year I felt like I should somehow celebrate my special day by either doing it by myself or with people. So when I found out about this, I was shocked and baffled for sure. Baffled like how most people today were shocked when Donald Trump actually won the presidency. Hahaha, well let's just say that this was beyond my expectation. I certainly didn't see that coming.

Nevertheless, It happened and truly I am grateful and glad that I have such wonderful people around me. Cheers for more years of happiness and success ahead for me. ^_^

Birthday?

Heya guys! 08 of November will be coming really soon andddd.. yeah you guessed it from the title! Yeah its my birthday, this time I guess Ill be celebrating my special day with my friends instead of my family here. In Melaka!! Sekejab je kan? How time really flies, it feels like I am just 7 years old last year... and now I'm 22.

Perhaps nows a good time to finally sing 22 hoho!

Its weird come to think of it since last year I celebrated it with my parents and as far as I remembered, it was festive! Everybody was like " Hey jom lepak mana2 hari ni " " Lepak pantai nak? Aku belanja" and so on. In short, the day was indeed surprisingly special and I had the best do-nothing-day for the whole day!

And now lets be honest, I kinda missed those days.

My workmates probably won't remember about my birthday anyway, and I guess knowing that I will be celebrating it without my family for this year too, makes me kinda sad. Well I guess maybe I should set up my own birthday cake, you know just for cheering myself up.. just maybe you see, I don't really expect any surprises but I was hoping for it tho at the very least! Cause duh! I love surprises! 

My birthday, 8th of November falls on Tuesday, and its apparently a working day...not that special too bad tho. Maybe I should take a day off? Hahaha! If its falls around weekend, I would have take a ride to any shopping mall around enjoying myself for the whole day. Probably pergi area Melaka Sentral kot. If the day falls around that, being alone works out too I guess. :)

Blocked

I have been so much into dilemma these past few days. It messed up my mind and lets be honest because of that, I can't really function well in my daily activities. Even my friends noticed the differences between the daily "me" and the problematic overthinking "me". When I'm sad, I tend to find some place quite where I can be alone and from that point on, I just thought of myself of how or what things that I had done and what circumstances that affects me in the current situation. It could be literally anything from life choices, mistakes, relationship breakups, yeah pretty those petty things that came to mind.

As for me, recently I found that someone that I admired (a very good writer) and looked up to block me from social media sites, sadly enough it was both from Twitter and from Facebook. I still remembered our first meeting was like so lively and cheerful. She welcomed me with open arms after I stated that I was envious of her works and writing style. Things went downhill when I started treated her as friends, she began acting weird and starting to keep all her stuffs personal. I'm not that kind of people who gives a f***  concerned about her personal life at all. I just wonder as to why I get treated this way when clearly I don't know what kind of wrong doings that I made.

Its like getting random punishments or being casted out from a crowd for no reason. Being the ever so curious person that I am, I do wanted answers from her actions and in my multiple tries, I did add her on back, but my efforts were futile and what's more saddening is that I get blocked when I researched her name on FB. I was like...

" Geez, she must be hating me soo much huh? "

" What do I do, to deserve this? "

That kind of thoughts kept circulating my mind like race cars racing on a track circle. It just kept coming and coming. Well, I guess maybe she was insecure with someone she barely knows but lets be honest here, if she ever did asked me anything about myself, I will gladly answer them lol. Yeah everything! Nothing to hide and besides she's someone I admired a lot. So, lying would never be an option for me. Its too bad that she choose to shut down one of her loyal supporters/readers. I don't mind actually and I respect her decision 100% but its just too bad that she did that out of any solid explanations at all. I would truly love a decent reason as to why, but I knew she never will, even though she read this post. Seriously, just 1 reason and I'm out from your so-called social space.

One may say " Maybe dia rasa tak selesa dgn ko or maybe she's just being too insecure "

Well it could be, but I never did anything that disturb or butting in her private life or apa2 yg sewaktu dengannya soo what and why me of all people -_- being treated like this. Well from this point on, I'm just gonna do what she seemingly wanted me to do. Ignore her. I will try my very best to do so tho. She looks like she wanted me to f*** off anyway . Sure why not kan.

To be honest, I had a very good impression of her the 1st time I knew her. Too bad, she broke that expectation now. She was not as nice and humble as I thought she is.

Spooked

A few days ago, my lappy had its windows processor corrupted by some unknown reason. Ughhh, memang stress gila since here in Melaka at my place had a three-day-holiday including weekends with the extra 1 being Hari Keputeraan Sultan Melaka. In addition to that, most of my mates are going back to Terengganu and I'm here be like...

Some may ask " Kenapa ko tak ikut dorang balik? " and well, I didn't because personally, a three day holiday is simply not enough for me to go back to Terengganu. It just doesn't seems enough and I guess eventho I do went back, I probably will not get any satisfaction from it anyway and besides my friends are still on their studies and most of them are not back. Soo kalau balik pun I'll still probably stayed at home jugak. There it goes haha. Getting back to the story..

About my laptop... sighhhh... I had soo much things planned well too! From getting my music keyboard lesson, video-calling with my friends overseas and of course updating this blog ( I have been away way tooo long, sorry dear readers ) and only to have my lappy acting up like this. Soo frustrated!! ( Sebab dah plan and dah janji ) 

Oh well, I guess it can't be helped. Soo, in order to cope with my boredom that nearly kills me these past few days, I went to the nearest cyber cafe around here at night. The place wasn't that far from my place but I went there by room-mate's motorcycle ( sebab saje haha, jarang kot dapat bawak motor) . I spend a few hours there from 10pm and went back exactly at 1am. This is where the interesting part begins.

I stepped out of the CC, started my motorbike and went back quick. I reached an abandoned looking carwash and was ready to get to the other side of the road until a strange woman stopped me. She looked stunning and beautiful, wearing a purple headscarf and a black baju kurung with flower-style patterns on it. She seems to be back from some sort of occasion because her dressing seems so proper and formal.

She eventually stopped me and asked..

" Adik, leh minta tolong tak? "

" Ermmm, saya actually kena balik ni, cik sebab dah lewat ni " trying to lied just to escape the situation...

" Alaa, cik sekejab je, kereta saya breakdown ni, ( while pointing to her Kancil next to a closed foodstall ) saya kena balik rumah kakak Area Melaka Sentral and lagi pun dah lewat dah ni" speaking with a softest voice ever

" Kereta awak kat mana tak leh on tu? Maaf la kak, saya tak pandai pun dalam hal-hal kereta ni " I bluntly replied

" Eh, bukan tu awak, macam ni, saya ada kawan tinggal kat salah satu taman dekat sini and saya bagi awak alamat ni and cuba awak pergi kat rumah dia cakap Cik Ira minta tolong "

I somehow recognize that address since its kinda near to my place around Taman Peruna. I also learnt that her name is Ira. Hohoho. Oddly enough, my mind at that time kept whispering to me that if you help people now, maybe soon when you have other difficulties, people will helped you in return. Its called good karma. Besides, if I were to leave her there, what else could have happen to her at this kind of time. She also had that innocent look on her face making it more hard to decline the help -_- . With the most kambing smile I could muster up I agreed to her. 

" Sigh, boleh I guess kot " I replied

" Nanti lepas tu mari sini balik eh? " she said

I nodded and started off my bike and went straight to the address that she provided. Its really dark around the alley of the area and it really does give me the chills. O_O seriouslaa!! Dah la sorang at that time but since I made a promise with that women, I muster up all my courage to find the place that she claim to have someone she knows to help her. With the bunch of dim street lights that hardly lights up the path along the way, I went like crazy looking for the address until I came to a small house. The place seems really old and there's a lot of semak and lalang in its compound. I double-checked and I was definitely right but the place doesn't seems like anybody inhibit that house at all. It was old, dark and almost looked abandoned.

I took these photos the day after that incident happened

I had a bad feeling somehow at that time since the house itself looks rather spooky, not to mention, surveying houses at this kind of time will only breeds suspection among the Well sticking to my guts,  I went back straight home after that.

Being overly positive at that time, I thought maybe owner rumah tu dia bujang and doesnt really care about the house. There was no sign of sandals or shoes in the perimeter of the house too. It kept me thinking and thinking about that house and that women. I had this mumbling at that time I reached home too like really??

" Eh dia ni bagi salah alamat ke? Ke aku yang salah? Tapi rasanya betul dah.. Buat apa dia bagi aku alamat tu doh. Tah pape tak da orang pun ni. Come to think of it kan, Dia tu tak da handphone ke? Tak kan la tak da handphone, boleh je call kawan dia ni kot. Nak jugak harap aku, dah la lewat dah! Nyusahkan betul laa, dah tau nak jalan jauh bawak la sorang teman. Yang ni dah la pergi sorang and nyusah kan orang lain pulak tu. Harap muka je lawa tapi handphone tak leh beli, Sadis gila humph! Haih, amik nokia 3310 pun jadi laaa -_- aku pun handphone tak da la hipster sangat but kalau sekadar nak call orang tu boleh sangat.  Haih!!! Kereta boleh beli, handphone tak leh beli " 

Sigh..Its 2 am, suddenly I came to remember that she did asked to meet her back at the place and soo being the idiot that I am at the time, I went back to meet her at the spot and SHES FREAKING MISSING! . I went to the place where she said she park her Kancil there only to find that car is broken, out of order, in disrepair with the both backseat window broken. It looks like it haven't start for years. 

Spooked out yet? Hell yeah I am!! At that time, I was like " oookkkaaaaayyyyyyyy " quickly started off my bike and went back straight home. Quickly took my bath and my ablution before going straight to my room and sleep. I didn't think well and tried speaking to myself to avoid thinking about what happen just now.

Meremang bulu roma.. and actually still spooked when I wrote this post. Anyway, I did tell this story to a friend of mine and she replied

Well shes right at some point... I should have bring along that woman with me... or maybe not kot. I don't know but one thing for sure, never ever stop by for some random beautiful woman who asked for some random favor. Unless you wanna get spooked like me. Anyway nevertheless, I'm glad I'm safe..

Alhamdulillah.. thank god.

Diet and Gym

Hello friends.

I'm happy to say that I've been doing really well. I added exercise into my routine - 3 rounds of a kilometer run and walk- and have been doing a great job with veggies and portion control. It feels good.

Have to admit, finding free time during weekdays is like finding a needle in a haystack. Tough and almost impossible. Literally every single one of us are just so much exhausted whenever we reached home after work hours. But I remembered that my trainer did said, if you have something to achieve, sacrifice has to be made. And soo I did mine, and it paid off!! I feel quite impressed of myself actually. ( pats myself in the back )

Regarding about my diet, I heard someone once say that when your eating is in control it opens the door to the rest of your life being in control and I have to say that is true in my experience. I'm more focused, more able to get things done. I'm not thinking about food every moment of every day. It's nice.  Not that it's all good. I'm hungry much of the time. Not outrageously hungry but never quite full either. Well in my journey in shaving down kilos, I've come to realize that I'm not really an emotional eater. I don't eat about sadness or anger or even joy. But I eat for comfort. Eating, to me, gives me that "snuggled up on the couch under a cozy blanket in front of the TV while watching a movie" feeling.

Its a very good feeling you know. Its literally because of this I'm able to shed a few kilos ever since I went working in Melaka. Its definitely better than what I did back then in Paka and let me tell ya..losing weight there is extremely hard even though I went working out at the gym every weeknights cuz my mom. Not that because she force me to eat or anything but rather her cooking is just tooo fantastic and irresistible.  And she cooked em everyday too! Ahh but right now I missed her and her cooking soo much :(

Oh and speaking about gym Tadaa!

Throwback when I'm in Paka, I missed them soo much :( the coaches here are all super cool ( especially coach Paan and Azim ) They are both sempoi and awesome. It is definitely a worthy experience. My mom and dad also joined in the fun...

Haaaaa hati-hati guys my parents knows kick boxing kot hoho! Don't mess with them ever!

Oh yeah if you noticed I added a music player on top of the blog, I just add some of my favourite songs on the list, I could add little more to it but Ill probably do it later. I hope you guys had fun listening while reading my rants around here. Ill be back with another interesting post soon ^_^

Frontal Lobe

1st of all, sorry for not posting for so long. I have been busy with work stuff and practically had no time to write eventho I had tonnes of stories to tell you guys. Well lets get back to the story that I want to tell you today. Its a little bit informative so it might be a little boring since its my 1st time having to write blog about something so scientific.

A few days ago, I had a good talk with my good friend overseas. Her name is Wani, and she's happen to be a nurse in one of a hospital overseas. So while we are getting back to the usual stuffs, she did bring up a story about 1 of her patients who had his frontal lobe removed because of car accidents involving a truck and motorcycle. The victim happened to have a sharp poll of glass pierced to his head, damaging his frontal lobe in the accident. The accident overall was worst and most of the injuries that he receive would be on his head and because it was so critical at that time, the doctors decided to have his frontal lobe to be remove to at least prevents more "pendarahan" that could potentially happen to the other parts of the brain. If you don't know which part of frontal lobe then maybe this will help.

Wani also stated that during her intensive care treatment of the guy after his post-surgery, the guy happened to experience EXCESSIVE FEAR towards inanimate objects. He would sometimes shivering and screaming out of nowhere and not to mention his body would be dripped in sweat in anytime of the day. That is well of course took a few nurse to stabilize him until they tranquilize him to sleep. Even with that, during his sleep, he is said to experience nightmares every night to the point that he had to be moved to a more isolated room in the hospital, since hes basically "meracau" in his sleep,

At first when I heard about the story, I was quite surprised that there are still people that are able to survive without the whole frontal lobe. If you ask me a few days ago, about what if a person lost 30% of his front-part brain, I would say the victim would probably be dead. Well in any case, I found stuff like this to be very intriguing and because of that I get extremely curious about whats going on and like how it feels to be frontal lobeless. And there I was after 20 mins knowing about the news, finding myself in a site full of medical terms that's just mind boggling for a 0% knowledge-about-medic-stuffs guy like me. I find it funny tho that I'm able to hammer down all these weird medic stuffs into my head and progress through the journals 1 by 1 like I was reading a comic strip. Hahahaha. I'm quite surprise myself actually. Its just curiosity that droves me into researching,

And so I dug into the internet a little deeper about frontal lobeless patients.. It goes from reading multiple journals about pre-surgery patients to post-surgery patients on how they react after getting their frontal lobe removed.

In my research, I found that people getting their frontal lobes removed has a lot more profound impact on both mental and physical functions. It would come in whole slew of symptoms from motor-skill impairment to nervous system issues but the side effects that I and almost every single researching doctor was concern for today would all be psychological. Removal of frontal lobes significantly impacts the victims ability to process certain types of stimuli specifically FEAR stimuli!

Let me give you some backstory, In a good old 1950s, psychiatrist often thought the best way to cure problems with the brain, were to cut pieces out! Feeling depressed? Welp! lets cut that out! Overly aggresive? Meh~ that chunk probably wasn't important.

As such, there are extremely well-documented studies of patients without frontal lobes and whats fascinating about them is what happen to their FEAR response. Patients without frontal lobe became uninhibited because they NO LONGER have a FEAR response. Which means that what I heard from Wani telling me that her patients experiencing EXCESSIVE FEAR is basically impossible.

Knowing that on the line, I dug in more deeper on the medical world only to discover a story about 1 of the most famous accidental lobotomy in the history, Phineas Gage who literally had an iron rod pierced through his head, completely destroying his left frontal lobe. One of the most striking differences between pre-poll Phineas and post-poll Phineas was his sense of inhibition and by then I mean post-pole Phineas had NONE! He had no sense of caution, no sense of fear or self-consciousness. He was described to be impulsive to the point of being rude and vulgar in public.

No fear, no anxiety, no social pressure anywhere! Not to mention, a frontal lobe injuries also tempers with concentration, attention-span as well as imagination. Surely when I heard from Wani that her frontal lobeless patients kept experiencing fear must had something to do with imagination. A frontal lobe control a lot of mental processing abilities. From planning, judgement, language, problem solving, memories and of course IMAGINATION in this case DREAMS. Rigorous studies had been done on the imagination and dream states on lobotomized patients. While patients without frontal lobe can have dreams, but 1 thing they can't have is NIGHTMARES.

Patients missing a frontal lobe carry their lack of fear and inhibition, straight into their dreams. I mean geez, why not? It does make sense. If the mind isn't registering fear consciously, there's no reason to process it sub-conciously in a dream.

Studies shows that lobotomized patients can dream about idealistic scenarios. Money, Fame, Praises, but they can't dream about nightmares like monsters under the bed, which adds to my point that it is scientifically impossible for him to have that!

In fact, going back to the dark days of psychiatry, some patients that experience constant repeating nightmares actually have their frontal lobe INTENTIONALLY removed to stop those dreams from happening. There are also 1 famous case about a patients who experiences recurring dreams being chase by ferocious animals. After the patient receive the lobotomy in 1953, yes! He still have the dream but would instead describe it as being a nice dream, with some nice animals. His visions in the dream were no longer threatening. The animals were happy, he was happy and he no longer had to perceive any of the fear he once had prior to the surgery. So scientifically speaking, what Wani's patient experience is literally impossible.

Well I guess that was it. It does made me wonder about that patient and how he's able to still experience that. Maybe he had another injuries or maybe his frontal lobe was not completely removed. Well whoever he is, Wani, I hope he's okay and all the best for your patient, that is if you read my blog. Yeah, I did the whole research myself, don't be surprised hahaha. This is just plain me in my curious state.

So yeah guys, I guess thats all for today, do let me know if you love or hate this kind of posts. If you hate it, ill probably stop haha :3 Also, ill try to write more when I had the time, I promised ^_^

It's hot out there ಥ_ಥ

"Panas la Sam, Zarip nak beli chocotop dekat Macdonald jom!"

That's what I heard everyday from my little 6-year-old brother, Zarif, whenever we took him back from kindergarten. Trust me whenever he said that, we just had to bring him to the nearby MacD and order him a few nuggets and ice-cream for the treat and of course there's goes our RM10 note flying away everyday (⌣́_⌣̀) It was so frequent to the point where the drive-thru cashier recognize our face. Hahaha its just that frequent!

How can I resist, (-_-;) he always make that cute-smile face whenever he wants something and as a caring brother that I am (tangan ke bahu, mata ke atas) I just had to (-_-;)

That's him, he's also had the fairest skin compared to all of us.

Oh well, can't really argue with it since Malaysia itself has been hotter than usual these days. Even the insides of my house feel like a sauna during the day. No joke lol. So for those who feel like wanna sweat so much, just feel free to come to my house anytime! (^_^;) Haha

How hot you say? Well it is to the point where some schools and small establishments like kindergarten and nurseries were forced to close for like a few days due to a few cases of heat stroke that took place. My guess is its probably as a prevention measure took to avoid such things from happening again.

Well in any case, if you are somewhere in Malaysia or somewhere hotter than Malaysia make sure to drink a lot of water and keep yourself hydrated at all times ^_^ and to all my friends overseas do please take care of yourself.especially kau Ika (asyik sakit je, jaga diri leklok) that is if you reading this hehe ^_^

Cats

Hi everyone! Yours faithfully is back on blog again

If you guys don't know or already know, I am someone who like love cats so much. I just can't seem to keep my hand in place and whenever I saw one, I tend to pet them on their head or play with bellies. How can't I? They are just so adorable, lovely little fluffy creatures. All of us in the family, Ammar, Zarif and my dad are very fond of cats. My mom and my big bro, Syafiq on the other hand, are afraid terrified of cats. I don't know why, but everytime the two of them saw one approaching them, they be like :-

Yeah, its true and I'm not even joking. Haha. There was this one time where we all are in a restaurant having a dinner at a nearby beach and there was this stray cat came to our table, meowing for food. It was all calm and cool, when Syafiq suddenly stood up from his seat. As he did so, his legs hit and messed up our drinks at the table. I was like :-

“Woah, kau apa hal? Okay tak? Macam kena letrik je”

“Tak, ada something lalu kat kaki aku, dia berbulu-bulu, kaki aku tak boleh benda bulu-bulu ni, dia allergic”

*Ammar interrupts* “Laa kucing je pon, dah macam cita The Mummy dah aku tengok”(get it? cuz the mummy hates cats) (I tried)

“Ish, Senyap ah kao, alih kan benda berkaki 4 tu cepat!”

And ever since that day, we knew he hated cats or at least gets terrified when approached by one. Soo knowing his weakness, we exploit it. LIKE A LOT! Why? Cuz we are such playful little devils, playing pranks to each other sometimes all the time. Its funny, cause I never thought I would meet someone who is afraid of cats and turns out its my own brother hahaha!

Anyway setting that aside, recently our pet cat, Genna recently gave birth to two lovely kittens a few weeks ago. 

Don't mind my dad at the back there hehe ^_^

Aren't they just adorable? I don't really have a name for these kittens yet but I do ask my friends for some suggestions and they replied with the weirdest answer ever...

. 

In all seriousness, some of the names does look and sound ridiculous but whats funny is I even consider putting their name as Mat Yoe and Amri Yahya, just so that I could laugh whenever I had a bad day. Hahahahahha! But when I think hard about it, what would the surrounding neighbors think when I shouted their name to call them later? They would probably be like "Eh, ada Mat Yo ke mari sini?" Would have been super awkward. Hahaha! But all in all, I had to pick one by the end of the day, so I name the brown one as Jenny and the black one as J-Nab. 

And now time to scare my bro and my mum away muahaha..