I am not Enough

Its been said that the greatest disease that's been affecting humanity is that feeling that "I am not enough". The feeling of "I am not enough" can only exist when you compare yourself to another and living your life by expectations that aren't your own.

Lets be honest, comparison is literally the thief of joy. Like for example, you just scored yourself a C in Chemistry, in which before in your life, you never scored anything above E. In that scenario, its only fair that you should be proud of yourself since you are better than you are before. Instead you compare yourself to a rival of yours who scored A+ in that particular subject, automatically you felt this feeling of dissatisfaction and inadequate.

Ill be honest that even I myself had this kind of feeling. Back then, I had this one academic rival at school and his name is Wan (not his real name). Wan has been proven to be all-time teacher's favorite student at school. He just excels in everything as far as I'm concerned. From sports to school competitions and even most school-club positions. Our exam results usually just really close to each other with me lacking the one behind. If he gets 90% I got like 80%. He was quite well known at school too and even my parents knew of him.

As usual, having strict Asian parents is really no joke. Academics results were like the only thing they care about and I was pretty much forced to focus on that and only that. As a result, I do excel in my studies but to feel inadequate and not recognized for the hard work that you put on by the teachers is something that troubles me. Its just Wan on the spotlight. Somehow at that point, I didn't even have 1 bit sense of gratefulness in me. Not until a friend of mine, Nassar came up to me and pat me on the back for my improvements. Nassar was the school running athelete and its funny how he compared my situations to a track race.

His words back then, really-really triggered me and of course knocked some sense into me. It was the best thing I got from him. It was hard to took him serious at first considering he the type who likes to jokes a lot but that one thing the thing I really need to boost my self-confidence. And now I wanted to inspire you guys too.

Often much people around me always complaining about themselves of being not adequate enough for things like work, relationship and other's life commitments when the truth is they improved but in a slow pace. My answers were simple. Comparing yourself to others is an insult to who you are. You are disrespecting yourself, hence getting you nowhere better than you are now.

I am not beautiful, I am not good, I am poor, I am this, I am that. This kind of thinking is dangerous for our mental health. Basically telling ourselves that over and over is like convincing that we are not going to be able to be more than what we are. Not to mention, you are not being grateful and insulting of who you really are when the better way is to figure out and improve. Often people I met had this kind of thinking and lets just say, it didn't really end well for them and their maturity level didn't really improved.

If you use a great person to measure where you are in life and where you can be, sure. There is not a lot wrong in that, but do not be attach to the result. The only result you should be attached to is the result of you being better than you are yesterday, last week, last month or even last year.

Set your own goal on the things that you personally wanted to achieve. Understand yourself at where you are at and try to improve yourself slowly. Everyone is different and everyone can win. You will never win if you set your eyes at another person. You win your race when you focus on your own finish line. You win in life being happy for others winning their race, you give your own heart and soul winning your own race. Its literally YOU vs YOU.

The battle is won or lost in your own mind.  Its an insult to who you are going to be. You are better than that and therefore, you are unique and that will always be your greatest power. That will always separate you from the rest. So be you! Focus on you! Focus on growing you! Developing you! Mastering your own strength! Winning your own race. If others win their race, great! We are all here to win. What most people don't know that when that moment you support others, support will come back to you. Don't go out to prove them wrong. Get out there to prove yourself right!

Comic Fiesta

If you guys followed me via Instagram or Facebook, you'll know that recently I have been to a nearby anime festival comic fiesta at Dataran Pahlawan Melaka. Truthfully speaking, I have never been to any comic fiesta ever despite knowing it all over the internet, more specifically on the newsfeed on how exciting it is.

So on that particular day, I was like why not I try to go to this festival for once kan. Wouldnt it be interesting? And soooo long story short, I did! It was definitely beyond my expectation when I reached there. There were soo many cosplayers all over the place and each of them were really on point on the costumes with the characters that they represents. I took over 100 photos and my friend pulak took like 300++ photos. We literally spend hours from 1pm to 6 pm there. We took a few photos and here they are.

Kakashi from Naruto wearing a Tux instead

Im not sure what character is this but she was sooo eye-catching

Cute kan?

The sword she's carrying is freakin real O_O

Kaneki and Touka from Tokyo Ghoul

Im not sure where is this from. Power Rangers kot?

Cleaner pon cosplay kot hahahahhaha JKJK. Its a maid uniform

Not sure nie dari mana, but people submit this photo to me to feature in the blog huhu

Enma Ai from Jigoku Shoujo, Naruto and BoBoBoy

Rem bridal costume from Re : Zero

This one by far won the most cute and best cosplay from all the cosplays that were shown. She was freakin adorable and some guys after me literally queue up for a photo session with the girl. Soo cute la dik hahaha

The cosplayers are all very generous and bubbly during the event. Like not even single of them refused to take selfies with the fans around them. I got to know some of them along the way since we literally shared the same interests. Most of them are chinese and from Sabahan and Sarawak. Ahh, how I'm soo jealous as to how they can maintain their skin colour. They were soo bright and looks pretty much flawless kot. Wish I had that kind of skin haha.. but then kalau ada kena cosplay la pulak hahahahha.

Aside from the cosplays, I got to meet a bestfriend of mine, Byatul and Liyana from highschool dulu. The day seems to get better and better. She was around Melaka for a few days for a runaway vacation after finishing her practical. Both of them was around the fiesta perimeter when we met. We took a few selfies and have some KFC lunch together along the way before officially departs from each other. 

Its funny that I felt that during that day, time seems to fly soo fast. I wished I could take more and more photos with the cosplayers because there lots and lots of them there and I didnt manage to talk to all of them due to lack of time. Anyhow, if someone would ask me if I wanted to go to a comic fiesta/ anime festival again, I would be like...

Procrastination

Procrastination. A terrible habit we all do, well most of us at least. I dont know its just something I cant discipline myself out of. Why do people procrastinate?

Its almost a challenge like, what is the least possible time it would take for me to eventually complete this task, you know?

Its like when you play video game and theres that level where you have to kill all the enemies in a dungeon, disarm a bomb and save your friends before it explodes annihilating all of you into oblivion kind of stuffs. You wouldnt feel pressured or challenged if you had all the time in the world right or there was no bomb threat.

I think I even remember the first time I discover procrastination. It was like discovering how to live for the first time. I was extremely diligent with my work as a kid having strict parents that put a lot of discipline towards education and stuffs similar to it. I had homework that was due like the next day but a Naruto and Dragonball Z movie was airing that particular night and my mom said

" Adik! Dah siap semua kerja sekolah? "

and I kinda lied (sorry ibu kalau ibu baca nie.. tipu tu time darjah 4 haha) and said yes.

The movie finishes and I was surprisingly exhausted afterwards and I endup passing out. I wake up and its THE NEXT DAY. I started panicking over my incomplete homework but after a minute I stopped.

Eventually, I paused and think..

" Okay Sam, okay! Fokus, kerja sekolah tu untuk mata pelajaran Matematik, hari nie masa matematik tu start selepas rehat pukul 11, kalau aku buat kerja sekolah tu time waktu rehat and sambil makan-makan, mungkin cukup masa kot untuk habiskan benda tu, oh and masa untuk sebelum rehat tu waktu Bahasa Melayu, and cikgu BM tu agak sempoi maybe boleh kot slow2 buat benda tu belakang dia.. "

Right? Like you start going covert ops on your homework and milking any possible time you have until the deadline. Hahaha. You guys remember how offended teachers get when you work on homework that's not from their class and it's like dude, you ain't the only one on my plate and this homework is like between life and death for meeee!

Maths class comes around and the teacher asks everyone to take out assignments and I pulled it out so quickly and proudly like I wanted to boast about how much time I worked on it like..

" Korang tengok tak movie cerita Naruto dgn Dragonball semalam? 

Fuh aku buat keje math nie sambil layan dua movieeee nie dooooohhh!!! HAHAHAHA "

Well, time flew by and it gets progressively worse from then on procrastination became my life. Like going to bed for example. I would probably be like

" Kalau aku tido an exact 34 mins from now, 

Ill get 6 hours of sleep~ Mehh~~ Leh lagi dota satu game~ Letsuuu GOOO! "

I mean when you think about it, life itself is a very long chain of procrastination right? As morbid as it sounds, we just occupy ourselves with distractions and time consumers until we reached the end of our lives. Don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that being alive or the things that we do on to day-to-day basis are pointless, but it is rather the exact opposite of that. To procrastinate doesn't necessarily mean to underachieve. 

It means to delay or postpone action. Often something you HAVE TO DO for something you WANT TO DO. Some of you maybe at a crossroads of your life where you're deciding over what you want to do for a living. You may want to procrastinate if you have the luxury to do so of course. To take time and explore your choices before settling on something you might not entirely enjoy. 

For example like procrastinate on searching for a partner you may not even need just because your aunt and uncle that every family gathering asked if you're married yet. You probably procrastinating right now reading this post and you might even do something else afterwards like watching youtube videos or playing games along the way kan.

While I do not claim responsibility for missed deadlines or whatever, just know that it is sometimes okay to just treat yourself, you know.