Thursday, 15 February 2018

A Generation That Doesn't Want Relationship

We are in a generation that doesn't want relationship

We want a second pair of shoes in the artsy pictures we take of our feet


We want that Facebook official relationship that everyone can like and comment on.


We want the post that wins relationship goals.


We want that Taco Tuesday partner, someone to text us " Good Morning " on a Wednesday.


We want lots of likes for all the weddings we keep getting invited to.


How did they do it? 
How did they find their happily ever after? 
We all wanted this! But truthful we never committed to it
We are the generation that doesn't want a relationship.

We swipe left in hopes of finding the right one.
We read "5 Ways to Know He's Into You" and "7 Ways She Will Fall for You" thinking we can upcycle a person into a relationship like a Pinterest project.
We invest more time into our Twitter and Wechat profiles than we do with our personalities, yet we're the one who don't want a relationship.
We talk and we text, we what-sapp and we slept, we hangout and we happy hour, we go to starbucks and grab a coffee, anything to avoid an actual date.
We private message to meet up and small talk for an hour, only to return home and then small talk via text
We forgo any chance of achieving real connection by mutually playing games with no winner.

The only thing we end-up winning is most likely to be alone.

We want the facade of a relationship without work of a relationship
We want that hand holding without the eye contact
We want the teasing without the serious conversation
We want the pretty promise without the actual commitment
We want to celebrate the anniversaries without the 365 days that lead up to them
We want the happily ever after without the effort in the here and now,
We want to have deep connections but still keep things shallow,
We want that World Series kind of love without willing to go to bat
We want someone to hold our hands, but we don't want to put the power to hurt us in their hands
We want to be swept off our feet but at the same time remaining safely, independently standing on our own.
We want to keep chasing love, but we don't want to fall into it.
We don't want relationships, we want friends with benefits
We want everything that will give us the illusion of a relationship without an actual relationship
We want the rewards with no risk
We want the payout with no cost
We want to connect enough but not too much
We want to commit a little but not a lot.
We take it slow, we see where it goes,
We dont want to label things, we just go with the flow
We keep one foot out of the door, we keep one eye open
We keep people at arms length, toying with their emotions but mostly toying with our own
When things get too close to being real we run, we hide, we leave, we say to ourselves "there's more fish in the sea" 
We want the downloadable person that's a perfect fit, just like an app you can update whenever there's a hitch, compartmentalized into a folder that we can delete when we have no need for it.
We don't want to unpack our baggage or worse help someone else unpack theirs
We hide everything behind an Instagram filter, we chose a Netflix show over a real conversation,
We feel entitled to love like we feel entitled to full-time jobs out of college
We want a placeholder not a person, we want a warm body not a partner
We want someone to eat with while we scroll through our news-feed

You see, what we need to recognize, is that the things we truly want, the things that are deeply meaningful, the things that are genuinely fulfilling, all require patience. They all require work. They all require energy. See? The challenge is, we all want to be with someone who makes us happy when what we need to do is to be someone who makes us happy

We sit with out friends discussing the rules but no one even knows what game we're trying to play because the problem with our generation not wanting relationships is that, at the end of the day, we actually do.

Thursday, 4 January 2018

Crushes

I think back then as a kid, I was brainwashed into thinking that I needed to be romatically attracted to someone. My classmates would be like..


" Hey Sam, who do you like? "
" Uhh, why? "
" I'll tell you who I like if you tell me who you like "

I'm thinking I don't necessarily like anyone in particular but for this transaction to go through I guess I needed to name someone. As a kid most of us haven't really had much time to know a lot of people, so my choices were limited to pretty much whoever was in my school, more specifically in my classrooms.

" Uhhh.. entah la, Dhia kot? "
" Ooooo!! Aku bagitau dia nanti ehhhh "
" Eh jab! Ko suka sapa pulak? Adoi nyesal bagitau "

So as a kid, I thought it was mandatory to just have someone in mind to admire. Obviously when you're young, you don't exactly know yet of what you personal criteria is of why you like someone. Growing up, you developed these things based on experiences and overtime you tend to narrow your taste down to a certain traits that a person must have in order for you to be interested. Like do they have a sense of humor, do they like animals, do they play video games, are they as weaboo as you, do they have a self esteem issue that forces them to undermine others in order to validate themselves under self worth...

Its up to you to determine these things so that if you were to pursue someone with those traits, then its safe to assume that you probably get along which is in my opinion is they key to a long lasting relationship. Despite that, when we were kid, lets be honest, we were shallow assholes.

"Kenapa suka Amirul?"
"Entah la, sebab dia baik and bagi saya pinjam pensel dia kot"

"Kenapa suka Shuhada?"
"Entah la, sebab dia cantik dan baik kot"

Like I said, shallow haha

When I was a kid, I tend to like the popular girls, not that cliche, bratty, everyone-is-trashed-beneath my-feet mean girls, but to girls that most guys have a crush on.

Afifah was the first one aside on all of them. I think it was around standard 3. She is a prefect at the time and looks like a naturally-born leader. She was that girl who looks kinda average but her knowledge about studies at the time was beyond imaginary. Somehow at that point, everything about her seems so beautiful which made my heart flutter at the time. Hahaha. Anyway, despite being in the same class, we rarely talks to each other. I was always the shy type of guy who afraid to be the 1st one to start a conversation and because of that we didn't really get to talk much during primary school. As time passed by, she got promoted to a higher class and I was left alone thinking that girls like her was way out of my league. Funny thing is that we were still good friends till now ^_^.

But that doesnt stop me from crushing on another girl... Hahaha



Khairunnisa was both an intelligent beauty and the sporty girl in the class. I think this was around standard 5 to 6? Im not sure myself. I don't really have a reason to talk to her, so I'm just admire her from a far. I remember that one time where the teacher had us read the textbook out loud to the class and once, it was Nisa's turn I gave her like 200% percent of my attention. As she was reading I was following along, I came across a word that I have never seen, but when she got to the word, " Fahrenheit ", she read it with no hesitance and I was so surprised and impressed which further my attraction to intelligence.

You guys must be wondering..

 " Err Come on, Sam takkan la Fahrenheit pon tak tau? "

Okay la...

" Dude, I was 11 at the time and the rest of the world guna " Celcius " okay? Gimme a break! Haha "

Eventually when I realised that I had zero chances with Khairunnisa, I developed a crush on another girl. .

 " Norlila "

Lila was an another intelligent beauty in the class. Everytime our monthly exam, there was always her name within the top 5 in the class. I always asked her and she cheerfully willing to help me in every question that I asked her about studies. I kinda had more interactions with her since we are kinda in the same group of friends who studies together whenever theres a group work by the teachers. Later on, we all find out that she had a crush on Syafiq Daniel who was also one of my friends. You think I'll be upset or jealous of Syafiq Daniel, but looking back.. Syafiq Daniel was a pretty good-looking guy and also not a douchebag so, yeah good choice, not bad, no big deal. I got over it pretty quick.

After that point on, I was on my own and pretty much ignore all the feelings to anyone that I had and tried to focus entirely on my studies. I had a resolution on that particular day, in which I thought that I was in a wrong kind of zone to involve in love. Besides my physical looks at that time didn't manage to captivate anybody since I'm such a fat-ass back then. Ughh Hate it soo much...

After that, I was thinking so deep that I put myself into assumption that what would it affect me if I get into relationship into someone at that particular age. The feeling however didnt fade away. The feeling to be felt loved and wanted is something that happened to everyone. Its a terrible feeling but I guess its normal. I suppose I should pet myself in the back for surviving such a harsh phase in my life. Wooohooo



Oh speaking about crushes, let us all listen to David Archuleta - Crush. One of my favourite song of all time. :D








Sunday, 17 December 2017

Short eh?

I have been short for literally my whole life, so its really nothing new for someone to tease me about it.

" Hey, I'm Syahmi, just call me Sam. "

" Oh! Nice to meet you! You know you're kinda short "

" Whaa.. Whooaa.. Oh dear! When did this happened? I must been unaware of my physical appearance for the past 23 years of my life! How could I be so blind? Thank you! From the bottom of my heart, oh stranger whom I just met. Thank you for enlightening me with your brilliance and informing me of this important and highly relevant matter! I will now waste my time indulging in this epiphany that you have bestowed upon me. "

" You're welcome???? "


" Shut up! "

I used to be self-conscious about it when I was a kid and thought something was wrong with me. I had high hopes for myself and believed that I might be just a late bloomer. I wore big T's or some of my dad's Tees that were obviously too many sizes up for me because I thought it was cool and gangsta at the time but also because I believed I'd grow into them.

TLDR.. High school came and I was still short.

People teased me but I stayed confident that the day will finally come when tiny little Sam hits the prophesied growth spurt and towers over you peasants who believed there was no consequence for teasing and bullying me!!

But the prophecy was false..



I was told on average that boys stopped growing at the age of 16. Once I reached the age of 16, people start giving me a false sense of hope and said it was actually at age 18 that boys stopped growing and once I was 18 people started telling me 21?

Like seriously!?


Whaaaaat!!??

I eventually stop looking forward to a day that would never come. I never got my growth spurt and I never even grew enough to be of the average height. I remain small and membulat over the years. It was always funny when people thought it was a diet issue or physical fitness issue, but people kept saying crap like..


" Oh you just need to drink more milk, gotta get that calcium for them bones to grow! "

and I'm like....

" Bitch, I drink milk every mornin! My bones are strong but they aint growin! I ate my greens and I ate my fruits but the results just aint showin! "


Geez! Dont get me rappin guys hahaha.

Overtime, I came to embrace my short stature and it became less about tolerating it but actually cherishing myself for who I was and to be honest it's come in handy and brought me into some interesting situations over the years.

Tho Im not saying that being short is better. I hate being unable to reach things from high shelves without a stepladder or having to parkour but being shorts pretty cool in some cases, makes the world seem a little bigger and grander even if its just a few centimetres.

I dont mind being short but if I had the ability to control my size, would that make me a super hero? or a super normal? But meh, I wouldnt really fight crime with it, Ill probably just use it to mess around with people to be honest. Haha