Rejection

Rejection is an everyday part of our life and it sucks. We as humans are raised to get used to disappointments and many of our actions are determined by a level of fear of being rejected and the reason of this sucks is because our species depends on us being social and interacting with each other regardless of how antisocial some of us are.

As an introvert I can tell you that being around people....

Tires me up...

I enjoy being with them and doing activities together but I need my isolation every now and then. I think a lot of people can agree with me on that. Anyway despite how smoothly you think your life is going, you are bound to face rejection the moment you set foot outside of your home, which luckily I myself don't do very often.

Oh.. -_- ( geez, I need to get out more.. )

Rejection happened anywhere and everywhere. Like for example, when you asked a local store employee for help..

" Ummm, excuse me, sorry cik. Ada tak jual kasut jenis macam nie tak tapi warna biru? "
" Semua warna yg kami jual ada kat atas rak tu dik (with the annoying voice ever) "
" Ohhh, ooooooooook O_O "

Or ordering take out from the menu..

" Ummm, bagi saya oreo blog smoothies dengan red cranberry jelly satu. "
" Oh sorry, kami kehabisan ais "
" Aik? " ( Dah kalau dah tau ais habis, kenapa bukak kedai idiot.. -_- ) "

But I guess when you hear " rejection ", a lot of people had the idea of romantic rejection in mind. Like for example, you're at a local cafe and you find yourself infatuated with a barista. You find her cute, she has a nice smile, you like the way she say your name correctly, tasks others before her man had trouble with..whatever. You have a crush! How do you go about the railing of your life potentially with hers in order to build a new track alongside of them?

Its easy! Just go for it! Just Shia Lebeaouf it...

Just talk to them, have a conversation, be genuine, if they are not interested, thats fine, it doesnt change who you are at all nor does it diminished your value as a person. Do not ever depend on others for self validation. Just come out of it knowing that the next time you're interested in someone it cant be as difficult as the first time..

Back then, I dunno how but I endup up representing my English club in a public speaking competition way back in my grade 3 / tingkatan 3. I thought I was underqualified as hell cuz back then I was pretty quite kid, I dont really have some major stage fright but I was shy. Despite that, I do have quite a sense of humor. I remember that during that time of the year, it was quite mandatory to send a representative from each club of the school for public speaking. The speech is about anything granted it was appropriate.

With that said, I made a speech about toys and games and long story short, the whole class enjoyed it. I didn't do too much research on the topic, but I'll just try to make it as funny as possible. After that, somehow I got voted to go onto the next stage of public speaking which is somewhat like a qualification competition to go to MSSD - Dungun and compete with others from different schools. Every other representatives from different clubs looked like they have some sort of valedictorian level of speech and there I was talking about politics affecting the society and stuff. On top of that, the audience was mostly composed of adults but my speech was mostly catered towards kids. Too bad at the time, a lot of my jokes weren't received very well and that took a toll on me.

The feeling dude.. The feeling of trying way too hard to be funny and no one laughing is a great fear of mine. I felt extremely rejected but I do felt proud of myself afterwards.

Why!?

As a quite, introverted kid who today has still has some trouble making eye contact when talking to people, I felt a big development in myself from that experience. I think what it comes down to is how a lot of us are just trying to figure out where we fit in, where we belong in this world full of different people and different ideologies.

We desire to be with people who can agree with our thoughts, people who can accept us regardless of our quirks and its not an easy task. Everyday we face judgement from those around us and its basically a constant challenge of seeking acceptance but still maintaining a sense of dignity. I know I face that kind of challenge every time I wrote a new post on this blog for all of you to read. Some may not be a good article but Im just happy to be able to entertain most of you but personally I think thats the point. Nothing comes easy. Even when you work hard to achieve what you desire, you're not always rewarded accordingly.

Get used to disappointments but don't yield to it. By that I don't mean to keep pursuing the girl you like even after she told you, she has a boyfriend. Take the rejection, all forms of it not as a failure but as an experience to help you prepare for the next one which who knows it might not end up being another rejection.

That One Fearful Day

You see, back then in Paka, was 16 year old at the time,

I was involved in a case where a drug addict once tried to break into my house using the front door! Such ballsy move from the thief gotta give him credit for that. At the time, there was only me alone in the house. As far as I remember, both my family had to attend some important event in Shah Alam (I cant remember what) but I was forced to stay home since PMR during those time was near. So, I was left at home with some pocket money to buy food at a nearby restaurant both for lunch and dinner. Yela, masa tu tak pandai masak, so semua benda beli kat luar.

The whole experience was unpleasant and I'm kinda traumatised a little since to me it feels like confronting with someone with a weapon as well as an intention to kill. You had no idea how terrifying that was for me. To handle a grown-up man with an armed sharp-looking steel-like weapon in his hands. It was Subuh at the time and that guy really had the balls. O_O I mean geez, my house was well-equipped with a safe alarm system and it was installed on all parts of the house, roof, grill and sliding door of the front entrance. Despite that, he just went in anyway.

Im not sure what he did, but while he was trying to break the locks, the alarm didnt triggered.

Yeah! You heard me! After those loud knocks that hes been doing outside the house, the alarm didnt triggered at all. I suspect he must have do something to the alarm.. since the siren box are outside of the house.

As far as I concerned , the last time I remember even the smallest disturb on the grill would definitely triggered it. Oh well I guess, it just showed that sometimes you cannot rely on the technology by itself. Okay continuing to the story, the drug addict didnt actually get himself into the house. I, at the time woke up and eventually heard the constant explosion-like noises from the outside and went to the front door to check whats up only to find the thief was busy trying to kopak the locks between the grill. It was nearly broken into half and lets just say he was just one step away into entering the house.

As I approached the door, I heard the loud and heavy breathing from the outside sliding door and it sounds like he's probably tired from doing "that" work and it seems that he's has been doing so for quite awhile. I would say probably around 20 mins before. Like how most people would be on that situation, I quickly grabbed the nearest sharp object which in my case its the kitchen knife and a sharp stick edge of a broom ready to pound the thief and probably stabbed that idiot to death (probably not). I had no handphone at the time but a house corded phone instead. I mean geez, if I had one, I would have took a photo of him with the camera. Too bad the old me, didnt really had those stuffs and barely even socialize both outside and on the internet. With all my might and with the little inner bravery that I have in myself, I muster up my guts and approached the sliding door and began to open it.

Turns out when I slide away the curtains away to see him, he saw my face and with all his might run as fast and jump over the pagar and tembok of my house like it was nothing. I saw his face and shouted for help of course but unfortunately I didn't recognise it, but he had the same characteristics as the man that I stated before. He left all his tools outside and I contacted my neighbour for help just in case he came back. 

Thank goodness, it was all good and he didnt came back to pick up his stuffs or anything. I was such a coward at the time and trembled a little bit after that. Whats funny is, I began to lock all the possible entranceway into the house with heavy furniture as well as getting all the weapons available in the house and kept it near hand-reach. Almost semua la pisau kat dapur tu aku amik. Hahaha yeah! I'm that paranoid and insecure at the time.

But still after that, my neighbours came, and take a quick look towards the nearly broken locks. If you guys were wondering what part of the locks it is. Here I gave you guys some insight...

Some were grateful and said that my family were lucky that I stayed home, and kinda praised me for saving all the belongings of the house. I felt the exact opposite tho.

Personally, its more lucky that I woke up early due to the knocks. What if I didnt hear it and what would happened to me if he went in and saw me sleeping? He had weapons in his arsenal and I'm pretty much sure I would probably be held hostage or worst case scenario, killed. Ughhh naseb baik, and here I am, writing about the whole thing. Oh well, syukur alhamdulillah. God given me another day to live and I'm grateful for that. I was unable to identify the thief despite seeing his face and because of that I didn't file a police report on the case. But still, all of the residents are on high alert ever since that incident... anyhow I do wonder why, like of all the other houses in the area, why our house? :/

Age

Im not sure whether if its really matter in relationship or what but personally its all about age these days that make at least myself quite a little bit concerned. I came to find myself not to looked about my age. Hahahahaa.

I mean if i were to list things I hate the most, aside from being lied to, is to be judged as "budak-budak". Like for example earlier, I came to this 1 grocery shop wearing jeans and black jacket with a backpack. The cashier who looked like 17 told me.

" Ini sahaja ke dik? " He said,
" Haa? Adik!? " I replied,

Killing intent activate!

" Eh, Abang2.. Silap " He corrected herself,
" Bro, Aku dah umur 23 nak masuk 24 dah kot " I replied.
" Hahaha, Sorry abang, ingat tadi budak kecik lagi sbb abang tak nampak macam 23 - 24 pon, nampak muda sangat " He apologized
" Dah tu mcm berapa? " I said
" Macam budak2 sekolah menengah sikit la "
" Errrkkk yee kee? Macam tu eh -_- "

And after that I just take my groceries and then went back home. The grocery shop is just a stone throw away from the house and so I went home quick. Putting all the groceries in place, went into my room and eventually be a little bit close to this...

Hahahhahahaha

I wonder a lot. Those overthinking stuffs hits me again. Like aku nie betul2 mcm budak2 ke? Is it because I shaved off my beard and mousetache? Is it because of my height? But to be honest 168cm is quite average to guys in their 20ties kot. Tah2 aku nie babyface kot. Personally, I cant even define what a babyface look like. Since we looked at ourself everyday in the mirror, I didn't thought of myself having such thing. However, I do heard rumors that women actually dig a guy who has that kind of face. So, Im not sure of myself. Should I be grateful or what kan. Anyway, I tried to actually kept my beard and mousetache for quite sometime. Lets say most friends of mine are shocked hahahahaha

Photo? Well nahhh~ I'm too shy myself to show what i looked like but definitely not as good as now la kan. Some face doesnt fit having a beard or a mousetache and unfortunately that person is me hahaha. All in all, whats important is MATURITY!

Doesn't matter how small are you, how big are you, how childish you looks, its all about maturity. Personally, thats what matters the most. Logically speaking, even if hes a sado and freakin tall of a person, but he's still childish in terms of attidude wont make it any less better betul tak? Hahaha. Thank god I'm not like that hahaha.