I have been thinking about this for a long time ever since the last week working day where people kept me in a distance from doing stuffs that I'm capable of doing. Truthfully speaking, I felt bad and felt myself being so little that people had to treat me like a kid. What's more painful is that this kind of things happen in my own family, my surrounding friends/mates and in between family members as well. (pretty much semua orang)
Being the honest person that I am, I tried voiced out my opinions on the treatment that they gave me and to my surprise. They listened. Yeah they only listened and never did what I thought they would do. I guess they still doubt my capabilities, my efforts, my enthusiasm, my goals, my passion, my willpower, my hardwork and pretty much everything concerning myself. Sometimes in my tiny little head, I get the thoughts that maybe in their eyes, they still thought of me as a kid who are helpless and basically needs attention in order for me to function well in life. In all seriousness, I did appreciate the concern but there are times where as a parents, you have to put trust in your own children! Let them experience things they wanted to. Give them the impression and support they deserved. Allow them to experience making a mistake, and learn from them! Enlighten them with a headsup advice on doing things. Ini tak, what I get is
"I dont think you're suited for this kind of task"
"I dont think you are capable"
"Just do this instead! Its easier"
"Just stay back and let me do it"
"What can you do? You'll just a -insert badwords here-"
"This is a man's work not suited for kids"
What I literally did when I heard that! >.<
These series of statements had been ringing on my ears for a long time and of course like any other normal person out there, being told that you are this and that made me really sad and it gets me the most when I'm being told like this by my own parents. At some point, it makes you feel like you are a burden to them. I did noticed and aware that maybe they did that was out of pure love and compassion for their children but for me I don't really feel it that way. For example, there's this one time where I wanted to drive a car to my friend's place. I did get my driving license for a long time and I asked my parents to borrow the small car for a few hours of meeting with my mates during their semester-break. As i thought, my request was rejected, They also said :-
"Adik baru je dapat lesen kereta and dah berani nak bawa kereta pergi sana sini? Kalau rosak sapa nak bayar? Kalau accident, macam mana? Nanti bukannya kamu nak take responsibility, so tak payah lah baik duduk rumah saja, tak pon jalan kaki pergi sana"
Yeah, believe me. My mum told me that herself in front of my other relatives. ( Kalau ada sepupu yang tgh baca nie, believe me they probably can clarify this :3 ) Even if it was an act of love and compassion, that feeling was nowhere to be felt and nowhere to be seen. Welp oh well, as a son, I can't do anything but to follow what they wanted to so I'll just sabar and went "La tak boleh ke? :( Okay takpa, tak kisah :)" and walk away doing other things pretending to be happy to avoid myself from following my hati and do some stupid rebellious acts that would make them even more mad at me. From that, I thought maybe I'm just too young to earn their trust.
At times, I thought when will this "cycle of love and compassion" lasts and what can I do to actually earn that "trust"? I wonder and I really want to know :(
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