In Relationship, There's Breakups

A few days back, a close friend of mine with her sad, soft, delicate voice contacted me, and told me how she need someone to hear her cry on her breakup story with her boyfriend. I was just finished working at that moment and had sometime to spare before packing my stuffs to go home and so I listened...

She said she suffered emotional pain ever since she knew she was no longer needed in his life after a year of relationship together. Thats a whole freaking year! and all those relationship building was broken within minutes.

At first, I was so quite surprised because to me, she was really fair, beautiful, smart and I would say, most guys would probably would fall for her characteristics on 1st sight, but too bad for her boyfriend, a beauty with loyalty wasn't enough for him. I am pretty much sure she give her all in her relationship but too bad, her boyfriend just found someone better. Turns out, he was two-timing her behind her back, which is baffling come to think of it. As a close friend, I felt devastated and enraged because personally I think she deserved better treatment considering her good qualities.

She had the worst feeling ever. The feeling of being unwanted, casts out by the person she holds dearly to. In any case personally to me, she was lucky as she wasn't in any proper relationship bond with him. If she was his fiancée or worst, his wife, she would probably be half insane to be treated as such. Ughh, I don't want to even imagine.

Despite what happened, she kept herself strong and believed that Allah is just. He knew what is best for her. She mumbled to me as she was grateful to Him for showing his true colours, and therefore, she was glad. It was really sad to hear her story, and imagining to be on her own shoes, makes it more heartshattering. I do give her some of my personal advice, as if I'm the best councellor (LOL) and try to comfort her as best as I can do as a friend. She was okay after sometime and pretty much still in " moving on " phase. Feels good to be contributed on something even though its a little kann.. got that hero feeling tho hahaha.

Oh well....

It was outrageous when you think of it of how fragile these relationships can be. A single word, a single sentences, a single wrong action, a single tiny mistake could all lead to breakups. At times, hearing all those breakups story my friends told me + the story on the internet, would really made me pray real hard so that I wouldn't never get to feel such emotional pain. To be completely honest, I remembered years ago when I was that dumb little boy who never gets into any relationship once said....

" Dealing with break ups situation isn't all that bad isn't it? I don't find any difficulty in moving on once you broke up with that person. Just delete his/her number and forget about the past, what's so hard about it anyway? "

Omg!! I can't even believed that I once said that *multiple facepalm*

But right now, I felt funny for saying that once a few years back during my uni days. Now I know dealing with it was never easy and seriously, when it hits me right in the face, I felt this uncontrollable urge of sadness that just engulfed me the whole day. Yeah, I guess emotional distress was the right word for it. I slept super late to the point like I only get like 3 hours of deep sleep and eventually woke up with dark circles in my eyes. My mates were the first the one to notice the " everyday " me and the " dark side you don't wanna see " me. Anyway, with those emotions taking over my brain at that morning, I went from being cheerful me to the point of being the most silent person you'll see! Ever! Nothing I did was right in that morning, not to mention it was raining heavily as if the sky reacts with my current situation. Eventually in afternoon, I decided to take a rest from work and leave the coordinator stuffs to my officemates. From that point on, I just went on reflecting and reflecting over and over...

It was soo weird to point that I reflected every single words, actions, judgement that I made just to find what flaws that I have done. It was always a bad habit of mine, to over analyse, over thinking, have insecurities to someone I deeply cared for. Not really sure whether doing as such is considered natural or anything but surely I did it was out of pure compassion and love over the other person.

But too bad the said person never did care....

I considered myself to be stupid and dumb for wasting my love and time to somebody who doesn't really care for me in any way. I was given false hope, thinking that I would actually get into an actual relationship of my own. I was given love " atas dasar kesian " by the first person I was attracted much to. I was deemed as a temporary place to release her stress over. I was treated as not being serious in expressing my feelings when I really did and I really mean it. I was being played. Perhaps to her I'm just pawns in a game.

Despite what happened, I never blame her. I blamed myself for it. Maybe I was incompetent. Maybe I didn't have the looks. Maybe its just not the right time yet, Maybe its the way, I converse with her , Maybe its my way of expressing my feelings. Maybe there are something wrong with me, that I couldn't ever notice on my own. Everyone has flaws and maybe my flaws were too high for someone like her. See how these overthinking affects me right now? It hurts a lot. It really really hurts, and to be honest, I was never prepared for such things.

However, if there's one thing that I am glad about, it is experience. In fact in my last Jodoh post, I did said I wanted to at least experience it hmmm, boy oh boy such torture. Couldnt take it anymore. Ughh. Anyway, experience teaches you and lets say I'll take this as a lesson so that I wouldn't carelessly do the same mistake twice.

Busy busy busy

I came to realise that I have been neglecting my blog for awhile, dear readers, followers and fans alike ( macam ada, pff ) It has been quite awhile, isn't it? Did you guys miss me? Did you~~~~?

Did-chuuuuuuuu~~~?

Hehehe, I know you did. Welp, just wanna tell you that I'm still alive and kickin. Thank god! Phew! You know, what~ I have been really busy these few days. If you guys didn't know or already know (pretty much sure you didn't know) the refinery that I worked at, has some of its parts caught on fire. The damage was rather devastating and at the moment, most contractors, operational workers, inspection team, safety supervisors and construction workers alike are gathered at the place for reconstruction. So as you are informed, tonnes of work incoming!! Which means less time relaxing and more working along the way. I was informed that the unit was set to run for like after Eidulfitr. Thats like 4 months!!! 4 months of non-stop working. At times, I felt pity for my friends who sacrifice their school holidays, time with families and of course personal time for themselves, just for themselves! That is how dedicated my friends were towards working. Ughh.. Petronas should happy but one thing, they sure love to push their workers to their limits..

Welp anyway, with less time on my hands, I rarely able to take a day off ever since. I sincerely hope that I wont forget that I had blog to manage. I had write a few posts that I intend to publish, I'll try to keep you guys up to date, but for now. Sayonara ^_^

4-day Holiday

Hey guys!

If you don't know or already know, a few days ago, I went back home. Back home as in back to Terengganu! Wooohooo! and boy oh boy, it was satisfying and well worth it at the very least. To be completely honest, every time I went back, I never get to meet my friends or at least had a proper gathering with them. Well maybe some of them but most of the time, I didnt get to.

The reason is because my uni, MSU, always had its sem break around the time where my mates are busy taking their exams. If you don't know, MSU's semester break are very short, unlike how most IPTS and IPTA today where they normally at least had a month of sem breaks. We normally get like 2 weeks of break and even that is considered lama gila by their management team. Believe it or not. What's more disheartening is whenever I started and getting ready to register on my new semester at the time, that's when my mates had its semester break. Even time raya pun, its pretty much the same. Not to mention, my parents both prefer spending time when Eidulfitri holiday somewhere either between Selangor and Johor, sooo yeah. During those 1st and 2nd week of raya, we will never ever be at Terengganu at all. My friends pulak during that time la, rumah terbuka la, kedai terbuka la, jamuan terbuka la, itu la, ini la and everything else with terbuka2 in its name, they mostly had it on that said week. Its quite frustrating, and I always texted them in WhatsApp saying things like

"jangan la celebrate tanpa aku, nak jugak join korang" 
"aku nak gak join korang sekali sekala"

Some of them were okay and some even spout the most used words that I heard all time " Alah tahun depan or esok2 kan ada" which kinda made me more frustrated about it. All in all, I still hold on to them, and waiting.. till to the point that I graduated, got a job and even got posted to Melaka. See? Punyaaa laaa lamaa kau. Hahaha but somehow I did able to meet them at long last recently. Apparently, most of them just happen to finish their degree and my company, on the other hand had like a 4 day holiday celebrating Chinese New Year at the same time. Annnnndddddd yeahhh! We gathered! At last!

Come to think of it, 5 years already! O_O and our friendship stayed just as strong! Caya lah!

With Along (Mid) and Byatul (Right) 

This two best of friends are the only female friends in my school days that I get contact as often. Both of them are awesome and as sporting as always. Both still single too, soo sapa nak no diorang, sila PM tepi. Hahaha, just kidding!

Before the dinner, we also went to Byatul's house, paid some friendly visit. Her mom memang sporting habis layan karenah kitaorg, not to mention, she also cooked one of the best Mee Goreng in Paka kot. Would probably consider coming again kot. Hahaha.

I also spent some quality time with my Dad, playing chess together. The match of the year!! Dad versus Son, Director versus Material Coordinator. Hahaha. He may not look like it but he is by far, one of the toughest opponent yet that I have to face when it comes to chess. Lets say that he is very good strategist, despite the looks kan. We played like 4 matches every night, and its always a tie. Well what can I say? We are just too good for each other.

I like how he looks super focused in here, its like playing a game between life and death haha

Oh and of course, lets not forget about this boy! My lil bro, Zarif is already standard 1 this year! I certainly found it unique that he is that kind of boy that doesn't get bored studying at all. I mean geez look at him! He always had that eager-looks on his face as if he's actually enjoys it. There's one time I'm like " Zarif tak penat and boring belajar ke? " Hahaha, oh well, its a good thing that he likes it. Not good but great! Lets hope that attitude lasts forever. I foresee a bright future for him. Well, he is my lil bro afterall.

Geez writing about all these stuffs, made me missed them again. Padahal baru je jumpa beberapa hari lepas Haih, I wonder when will I get another time again like this again. I heard that my next trip back home would probably be around September. That's like 7 months!!! O_O Lamaaaa kooottt, but I guess I'll be okay. What can I do about it anyway? That's the sweet and sour of a working life.